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emocrazed
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
i solemnly promise to cherish the next guy that enters my life. but the condition is that he must be some one i truly like. saw many things that sent me into this emo-crazed mood. fuck it. i can't stand it.
alas is newly back attached with his ex (they broke up sometime ago), nicki has a gf, kiat has a gf, ollie too. everyone's attached and the funny thing is... i'm not pressured by them but what i've truly missed and lost through my own fault.
when i saw nicki's friendster, i realized how it was my fault. we could have lasted but we didn't. and he was one that i truly cared for a lot then. maybe i still do, a little bit but not the way like before. i was jealous when i saw the girl but then, i was jealous of what we could have just like what they have now. they're happy together and it's so sweet that it was a bit nauseating.
i'm a sour puss i know. alas being back with charis can be understood. yeah. i liked him before and he knows that. but him and charis go way back even before i appeared and they're kinda made for one another.
argghhh.. andy's gonna be another problem. i don't like him the way i'm supposed to. one of my reservations is due to my insecurities. many of the relationships have fallen apart because of my insecurities, pride and ego. what the hell is wrong with me i don't know.
yet in me... i kinda think that andy will somehow forget and move on to another girl once i disappear. i want to care and love a guy but i don't when i have a guy. can't stand nor sit myself. andy's nice and all that but he's just not my kinda guy.
the few guys i've ever truly liked a lot before- kenneth(a bit), nicki, samson (he turned out to be a bastard) and isaac (another ass). sighs.. was in relationships with 3 out of 4 but all didn't work out. no thanks to me for all the reasons why they all failed. the rest of other relationships were either just good friends kinda thing or just to pacify.
so i realized. i've missed out on many opportunities and i'm about to let another slip. just what is wrong with me? and i think i'm kinda crazy lately. why am i obsessing with all this shit? i just wanna experience true bliss after all this while. i think liking and giving someone for so long one-sidedly has drained all my emotions that i need someone to start letting me take. probably that's why.
but he will never work out. i know that for sure. SCREW ALL THIS SHIT!
She tried to fall in love but failed.
She learned everything the hard way.
To be on top, you must sacrifice.
She's alone.
Putting distance between people and herself.
She's losing everyone.
Hell of a complicated girl.
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