rotten
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
today was a rotten day. a truly rotten day. it almost makes me wish that today never happened. to start off with, another half a kilo was gained after i woke up. but that is besides the point. i quarelled with ally and spent the afternoon cooking. cooking for marcus. lol. i made cornflakes coated chicken today and honeyed cucumber slices today. it was nice but he kept insisting it sucked just to irritate me. aunty said it was nicer than jenny's but that's also besides the point.i was plain mean to him. to tell the truth, it was more than that. i was very mean. some part in me knew that but i just couldn't break out of the vicious cycle of being mean to him. no matter how i try, at the end of the day, it never works. i'm tired of feeling guilty after everytime i'm mean to him probably just like how tired he is of hearing my apologies everytime. to give him due credit, he was quite nice i suppose. he finished all the excess honey i accidentally poured out though it's probably going to give him diabetes. okay. maybe it wouldn't. the excess honey just became honey water but it was an extremely big cup.i feel bad. i apologised already but i still feel bad. very bad. i was sarcastic and i ignored him for quite a bit. but but but... but he started with the sarcastic jibes first! okay. on the scale of one to ten, his meaness score a 2 but mine score an... 8.5? lol. mine still surpasses his and it does not cover the fact that i felt a sudden longing to consult mumsie. mumsie and jenny confirmed among themselves that i'm a terrible friend. well. it is only true if applied to marcus. i'm not that short of patience with others but not well...just him. argh.i want to get that margarita's job but oh well. i need to pass that with daddy first. it's gonna be a tough ordeal so wish me luck though by the time i'm done, someone would have settled in the job already. moreover, there's nothing i can do to shorten the time or the journey to go to my new school for a month. and good heavens. jovan is shorter than me.nonetheless, i've made up with ally already. that's the only good thing that happened in the end.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 7:04 pm.
green envy
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
after the measly 3 hours of ill-gotten sleep i had on the plane, no one would have thought i would still be awake. even until now, i stand in awe in my prowess of not needing sleep. my mind runs on the track of unreasonable and wild. i don't know why i'm feeling so lousy and miserable now. envy? jealousy? everyone is losing weight or is so damned skinny that i wonder how they lose weight, maintain their weight or remain skinny. why i just can't achieve the same? i look at every pictures and i stare at the person in the picture, wondering who's the swelled up fat blimp. there is this slight resemblance to me but somehow, there's this corner of my mind that denies the connection. hell. 5kgs. it'd take ages plus a lot of discipline to get rid of. besides, i need to lose like what, 20kgs? a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips. sighs. i just want the super high metabolism that allows me to eat all i want without gaining weight.argh. I CAN'T SLEEP. this weight-gain issue is making me so nutty that my body is refusing sleep; wishing that what i saw was a hallucination on the part due to lack of sleep. denial. serious denial. hey, how do people eat and not gain? no matter what i do, every morsel of food adds a tonne onto the scales.lol. i'm jealous of every single thing now. pathetic. this is how laughable i have morphed into. it is my fault and no other's that i have become the person i am today. it is not others' faults that they can write better than me because they practise or read more than i do. yet, i'm wasting my time away, refusing to propel my skills to greater heights and i'm getting jealous over their writing cum langauge prowess. i'm getting lazier by the day, eating the whales out of the seas and yet i'm getting jealous because others are losing weight or they remain skinny. just what is wrong with me? am i getting so apathetic that i don't know how to turn back? i don't know. part of me just want to wallow in my self-misery while the other part wants to be the determined and disciplined. oh wells. i'll try the latter but i hope my body co-operates.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:05 am.
blimp
my high hopes went crashing down the drain after i got back. it was only just this morning when i got off the plane, bouncing with raw adrenaline; wanting to dash back home. the feeling of home never fails to barricade me the momemt the aeroplane touch down. the feelings range from finally-i'm-home or i-can't-wait! to get home. in case no one understands, the former is the negative and the latter is the positive. still, in any case, i'm always glad to be home. however, good things never last. my emotions went spiralling down faster like a rocket gone haywire than anything else. i got posted to some junior college i don't even know how to get to. moreover, the only inkling about Innova Junior College is that the nearest train station is in WOODLANDS!!! anyone can tell you that is damn far!!!!!!!! goodness. i don't know whether to happy or sad. is it a good thing to be posted to one of your end choices or is it better than letting the dumb government post you as and where they like? hmmm.. it is no better if you asked me.but the worst was yet to come. I'M A BLIMP. I FUCKING GAINED 5KGs IN LESS THAN A FORTNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is so fucking unbelievable. how did i do that?! on the hongkong trip, i gained 1.5kg. now, after the brisbane/gold coast trip, i've put on an additional 3.5kg!!!!!!!!!!! in total i gained a gross sum of 5kgs in less than a fortnight. yuck. i feel like a blimp. no wonder i'm going out of shape. no wonder my dress size is increasing. good heavens. THIS IS A BLOODY NIGHTMARE!!! i want to lose weight not gain weight. ARGH! does anyone know how bloody difficult it is to lose 5kgs? well, for the record, all i can say is that OPERATION STARVATION is not good enough. good griefs. and i cannot curb my satiation for food. what am i to do?it's no mean feat trying to accept that an additional kilo or two was gained during the hols. but 5 kilos in less than a fortnight? try it on anyone else and i'd bet they'd choke on the info when they try to swallow it. so there. as i am typing here, i can feel the band of my oh-so-loose shorts tightening its vice on my scarily humungous band of fats on my already-big-enough hips. i feel myself swelling, growing rounder and rounder. i'm soon to become the lifesize blueberry identical to Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. i'm freaking out totally. my festive mood smoked and disappeared in the wind.oh yea. 2 more things i have just realized. i found out i gained 5 kilos more after i ended my "choc-cake" business and that there is a scrumptious Yuletide catered buffet on Christmas Eve. I'M A FUCKING INCORRIGIBLE BLIMP. SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T STAND MYSELF.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 7:17 am.
skeletons in my closet
Thursday, December 08, 2005
i've re-watched Jewel in the Palace for the second time running already. it took me nearly a week to watch it and now, it's Meteor Garden II that i'm currently watching. there isn't much choice actually. considering the number of serial dramas that i have at home, it is the second longest drama series with Jewel in the Palace taking the crown. this is to show how bored i am at home. it no longer takes any convincing to let everyone know i'm bored beyond belief. mumsie told me to do something constructive but exactly can i do now? no money to shop and nearly everyone is either overseas holidaying or taking up a job. besides, i can't take up a job either; until my schedule is stable. i'm sick of thinking of what to do that i prefer to take up quick-time-passing activities; watching dvds and vcds.daddy woke me up early this morning when tried to wake me up. he said that he was worried if i was going to behave like this when i'm in australia. no one messes with me when i'm in a foul mood. i'm still pissed that he hasn't kept to his part of the deal yet. i retorted back with WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO AFTER I WAKE UP? he said to eat breakfast and when i made him continue with my supposed itinery for the day, he was speechless. there is nothing to be done that can erase the fact that i have nothing to do. sad.my blubber piles up as i lay in the bed or the couch; doing nothing but eating and watching the dvds/vcds in comfort. idling my time away like a good-for-nothing. my books are re-read for the umpteenth time that i have ceased to read them unless i want to fill those small empty frames of unwanted time or if the memory of the books has dimmed. in fact, i can memorise the contents of the book already. lol. borrowing from the library is too troublesome because i don't visit the library regularly after the o levels passed. returning the books i've borrowed is the only catch in the entirely lucrative deal of borrowing books.somehow watching Jewel in the Palace for so long makes me miss Jewel in the Palace after watching it. it feels weird to watch something else now. it makes me feel as though Jewel in the Palace has become a part of my life that everything i do, i would relate it to the show. perhaps it is weirder to say that i hate watching the bad parts of the show but would rather watch the good. everytime i consider re-watching the dvds/vcds, i would consider the number of bad and good parts in the show. hence, it would be the fight between the good and the bad before i would consider re-watching it. moreover, it must also be unless the bad parts are tolerable to me. one might wonder what do i mean by the bad parts. my definition of bad parts are the parts where the protagonists have to suffer pain and agony whilst the antagonists truimph. that's the case that nowasdays, i find myself refusing to face up to the pain and misery that i refuse to watch those parts.shits. i feel like watching Jewel in the Palace. AGAIN. i'm on the first cd of the Meteor Garden II but i haven't reached the part when something bad would happen to the leading male character and here i am; blogging just to try escape from watching it. i want to stop feeling the hurt and pain. i want to feel nothing. still, just now when the female and male leading characters could not find one another in a foreign country and were hugging one another tightly after they have found one another, i was reminded of something. i am curious if i have watched it sometime this year. still, i can only but recall the only one time i watched this Meteor Garden II which was sometime when i was Sec 2. i refused to watch it since then because the part II was crap compared to the first. nevertheless, i felt the irony when i revisited the scene in my mind.marcus dropped his wallet in mumsie's car when she offered to drop him off at Bedok because we wanted to do grocery shopping too. by the touch of ill, his hp was confiscated by his mum then there wasn't any way of contacting him. through the goodwill of strangers, he contacted me on my hp and we were on a wild goose's chase finding one another in Bedok. it was really weird because we couldn't find one another even with the help of mumsie, josh and ally. it was only after a few hours later that i realized i was at the wrong place and we were worried about him going home late again. finally, i thought i could find him after reaching the other Bata shop only to find him gone. i asked the sales ladies and they told me he left. i was on the brink of tears before they told me the direction he had gone that i found him alas. without a word, i flew to his arms and was crying; wondering aloud what i would do without him. it was identical to the scenario in the show that i am wondering now if i was replaying the show in my life.i want to fall back in love but i am afraid to do so. i see people in love, i envy them but i feel happy for them too. i want to rid of my sense of emptiness and loneliness that i did use others' feelings to do so. it is rare that i really did fall for someone and when i fell hard, it did not work out the way i wanted either. that is why i am jaded now. jaded but still empty and lonely. i have thought many a times to turn to my old ways and opportunities to do so came too. but why is it that i still shun away? i am too tired and too afraid to make the attempt to know someone again and to make the attempt to like someone again. it is an effort-consuming proccess and i'm simply too lethargic to work up an effort to start all over again.perhaps a fling is all i need now. but when it happened, it went way beyond my expectations and i didn't expect myself to fall for someone i just wanted to play with. i'm stucked in a situation when all i can do is to do nothing. anyhow, i am proud of twinny. she has the courage. she is bold and upfront. she confronted the scummy guy for all the injustice he slashed onto her that the wounds are fresh and painful to her. for all the pain she has suffered, at least he knows of the pain. albeit the "reasons" he came up to defend himself with is lame, but he knows that such a thing is going on. for all my courage to do anything else, it does not apply when it comes to matters of the heart. my defenses are high and numerous. it is not easy to come close to my heart and when someone comes closer to me but hurt me in the process, my defenses would multiply and become more inpenetrable. hence my jaded-ness.still, i admire twinny. by lashing out all the injustice she has felt, the pain would be released and would lessen though she would still suffer from it. but it would do her good in the long run. never keep things in the heart. our heart has too many responsibilities without us adding onto its burden. us and only us would suffer in the long run if we were to continue like this and yet, we don't seem to stop. btw, girls watch out for guys above 18. girls our age tend to get hurt by them and it is a trend that i have realized.girls our age suffer the most because most of the time, we are merely their playthings. unless the guy is your long-term boyfriend or someone you have known even before he was above 18, then maybe it doesn't apply. guys above 18 tend to have the tendency to lead girls our age into thinking deeper into a relationship because of their intimate actions. it is their need to release all their pent-up male hormonal reactions that they tend to have their "needs". uncle psalm said to watch out for army guys because they are in camp which equals to no females that once they are out, they have their "needs". well, i would take it to be true 'cause he has been in the army for years and is now a high-ranking army officer. he has trained and seen too many army guys to know what they are like now. hmmm... it includes the fact that he is an army guy too and i know him. men. oh well. i should know too. i suffer and share a similar experience but it feels degrading. i feel filthy saying it and it is a skeleton in my closet now.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:15 pm.
indescribable
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
i'm pissed beyond belief. first things first. the irritating fart of the guy rackled my nerves when he proclaimed that men are superior to women. next, the freaking long entree which i blogged in just now is long lost to me. apparently the trouble of opening the next page also resulted in the lost of my entree.maybe it was a good thing that i had this fight. i would not say it was a debate or even a friendly argument. it went beyond the boundaries of friendly argument or a debate. also, i do not deny the fact that i was cursing and swearing like some common whore, determined to wish him ill. still, it made me more alive than anytime during the past few weeks. albeit anger is not a good emotion to feel, at least i felt something.but i doesn't deny the fact that i think he is scum. the essence of shit. it involved a lot of other vulgarities and explicitly gruesome details that i would not reveal here. i think it is below my dignity to openly disclose it but it is certainly not below my dignity to say that i'm not that hypocritical to deny that i did not say those bad stuffs about him. anyhow, i'm proud to say that i'm not the hypocrite he is.he even had the audacity to wish me a good night just before he left. i told him i did not have the same hypocrisy like he did but at least i had the basic courtesy of wishing him nothing in the conversation. in essence, this was not the entire conversation but it is enough to know that i do not like him. i know i need not like him and there isn't any impact of whether i like him or not. still, if i have my say, i do not like him any better than the scum settling at the bottom of the river. end of story. twinny, u really do deserve better. and i thank God that guys better than him aren't any harder to find than grains of sand in a beach. considering what a self-centred and egoistic male chauvinist pig he is, it wouldn't be hard to find someone lacking in any of these negative aspects.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:00 pm.
weird
nothing seems normal in my tinted view of my life. what makes me scratch my skull open is the weirdness of my actions. Perth has got me swearing that i would do all my days' worth of shopping once i got back to Singapore and so far, i've done nothing of that sort. i'm letting the grains of time fall freely through the minute hole in the hourglass that determines the passing of time. i anticipate my days to speed like the racing cars in the track race. am i a recluse or just a anti-social depressant? i hole up in my room; never leaving my room for a long time, watching the dvds like a heroin addict hooked on heroin. and thus, another day has passed without my knowledge of time actually passing.i'm not shopping but i'm not doing anything else either. my days revolves around Jewel in the Palace, eat, sleep, pee and nothing else. even my body refuses to listen to me. my subconscious knocks me into slumber, my tired wretched body screams protests to take a break and yet, here i am. i'm cheating myself of the sleep and rest i ought to get. one might wonder what rest and break someone like me needs, but it's true. i feel screwed just by watching dvds nonstop, eat, sleep etc. tired. beat. sore. these best describes what i'm experiencing now.i want to get out of this screwed routine and yet something holds me back. somewhere in the dark, it seems as though a hand is groping at my skirt tails, preventing me from progressing forward. still, a thought lurks at the shady muddy end of my brain; telling me that i'm partially the cause of it. i don't want to face the rest of the world; feeling safe cocooned in my blanket, secured and in-vulnerable. perhaps i feel safe alone, but it is as though i have lost myself in the surroundings. the processes i have gone through, they are the sculptors. the basic foundation of my clay has gone through the sculpting of these processes that the original has been lost in the midst of the modifications. i know i should not let my surroundings influence me and that i should maintain my stand, my principles and my outlook in life no matter what happens because these are the basic foundations of my being. they give me the core of my existence. the reason why i am living and how i am going to live it out.lol. it ain't as if my friends are not helping me but i don't think i have ever asked for help. still, i think god knows that he has sent his help in the form of some friends. though it is my choice to accept or decline, i think the latter rather than the former is what i have decided upon. it was really weird but yaozheng asked if i was going to town tomorrow. when pressed for the reason, he said he'd go if i went. it is weird because i didn't say anything to him nor have i talked to him in a long time. i was watching my dvd like any other time when he came out of the blue to ask me that. it wasn't long after that marcus came and talk to me. albeit it was for a short while and that i haven't talked to him in a long while ( though not as long as yaozheng) but he asked if i was free on the 24th. still, i think i didn't want to go anywhere as the idea of interaction with people is enough to make me sick in my tummy, want to hole up in my room and limit any form of humanly interaction to the minimum.twinny is in a bad mood too. fucking guys fuck our fucked up lives till we are so fucking miserable. poor twinny and yet there's nothing i can do but just to try console her. but the guy is a nutter. MEN, LISTEN UP. YOU DON'T FUCKING KISS A GIRL UNLESS YOU FUCKING LIKE HER. ALSO, YOU DON'T FUCKING FRENCH A GIRL JUST TO TELL HER TO NOT LIKE YOU. twinny, stop drinking. it ain't making the situation better and it doesn't change his decision. but seriously, he is not matched in your worth. you deserve a guy who can treat you loads better than him. you need a prince to treat you like the princess you are. sighs. men. the root of all women's troubles as per usual.i thought he cared when he messaged me. i thought he cared that's why he was worried about me. i thought he cared. for a while, there was a glimmer of shimmering light before it disappeared into the dark empty sky. it was foolish of me because it was a no-no. still, once again, the sad truth was thrown into my face. i no longer liked him anymore but why does it feel so weird everytime a sign that he cares surfaces? is it because i couldn't have him before that's why i want to give it a shot or because of something else? it puzzles me to figure out the complexities of the mind, brain and heart. good griefs. twinny, men are just weird. there are no ways to get rid of them. GO TO SLEEP. u're fucking drunk that ur typing is worse than mine when i'm groggy with sleepiness. far becomes fark and it doesn't help that my twinny says fark instead of fuck all the time. *smacks head*anyhow, she's going off to bed. looks like it's back to watching dvd though i don't know how long i can last without doozing off to slumberland. my eyes are convulsing with pain and i struggle to lift those heavy lids up. still. i am numb. numb to emotions and everything else. i want to feel something. even so, when i showered, i wanted to feel the searing heat of the hot water scalding my body; letting me feel the pain. i wanted a good hot shower to let my senses relive but no matter how i tried, cool water ran out from the taps instead. though it signalled for hot water of the highest degree to gush out from the taps, it didn't happen. all i wanted was to submerge my numb body into a hot shower. even so, nothing went the way i wanted it to happen. IS A HOT SHOWER THAT HARD TO MATERIALISE?
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 12:19 am.
again
Monday, December 05, 2005
i'm letting the show run. argh.. the only thought that is surfacing in my mind is that the baddies would suffer in the end. that's the only reason why i can continuing watching the show with ease. the memory of what happened the last time is explicitly clear as though it happened yesterday. i refused to watch the part where the good had to suffer under the devious and underhanded means the baddies specialized in.anyway, i just want to get to the last dvd but i don't want to skip the rest in between. gosh. the nougat wrappings are scattered all over my bed like the stars speckling the ink black blanket of the sky. perhaps more than that considering the fact that it is hardly possible to see the stars in Singapore. still, food used to be able to make my mood swing towards the sky. nevertheless, it didn't. it swung towards hell instead. now, it doesn't help that i've gained a million calories for nothing. bloated and irritated. argh.good heavens. i clapped till my hands stung from pain when the good finally had some hope in surviving in the political scene of the palace. still, they have got a long way to go. it's only the 3rd disk. *smacks head* my hands are exuding the warmth of the pain such enthusiatic clapping. lol. faster. just wish the dvd could run faster.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:53 pm.
sister
my sister is refusing to get out of my room. of course, i'm not saying this without a reason. she's sitting right next to me and i'd bet this is the most obvious hint to get her out of my room. not that i did not say it right out to her face, I DID. but it didn't work. anyhow, i just want some peace and quiet. is it just my senses or is something wrong with me? nothing interests me anymore. i'm just bored with everything and anything. still, don't mix this case with Perth. Perth was realy boring. when mumsie told uncle lewis about our boredom in Perth, he didn't help but laughed so hard that mumsie thought he was going to have a stitch or something. thank heavens i didn't show up on Sunday. what a nice day to suffer being the object of ridicule and humilation. moreover, i wasn't in a good mood then and neither am i now.went to school today and saw ms cheong. one of the hoydens of my school. this is all thanks to that horsie brodo of mine. what a nice sister i am. despite all my wishes to never step into that school, i went reluctantly to meet her on behalf of my parents for josh's sake. still, i'm not good enough for her. but she need not treat me with such contempt and i felt so disgraced.okay. now she's crying. she's one stubborn mule. she absolutely refuses to get out of my room. it is partially my fault she is crying but if she had listened to me earlier, i would not be forced to ask jenny to get her out of my room. good lord. screaming outside my room ain't going to help her either. what the hell. NOTHING TO DO SO SHE'S IRRITATING THE HELL OUT OF ME? NOTHING TO DO SHE'S CRYING FLOODS?! sometimes i really don't understand her. maybe it's the complexities of being a woman. seriously speaking, i never did understand women or men for that matter. good griefs. and i'm supposed to stay under the roof with such............crazy person? *smacks head* she's spouting nonsense all over again.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 3:25 pm.
thinking
watching Jewel in the Palace. been watching it since morn. checked out some webbie and found that Min Zheng Hao in the show ain't that good-looking in real life. not that he was good-looking in the show but i think it's the compassion and the kind-heartedness that added onto his beauty that made me think he was good-looking towards the end of the show. anyhow, he doesn't look good in real life but i didn't think he was good-looking at the beginning of the show either. not ugly but just okay.anyhow, watching it all over again is frustrating. i don't know whether to say i'm enthralled with the show or fed up with the leading lady's naiviety or stupidity(i seriously don't know which) that i find myself murmuring to myself to speed up with the show. still, i'm still watching it. urgh. at least time passes especially fast with it. a day has just sped by while watching the show and i never realized it albeit for the stinging in my eyes. who knows? maybe i'll eventually turn blind soon. this shouldn't be that long considering that i'm blind as a bat without my specs. my eyesight degree is so high that it's worth a fortune if converted to dollars. my astigmatism higher than anyone can imagine. good heavens.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:27 am.
back
Sunday, December 04, 2005
twinny's right. it's been ages since i've last blogged despite all my resolutions and promises to blog in regularly or blog in a million or so entries. again, she's right. hers is filled with so many entries that i was planting my ass on my bed, reading her blog entries though my ass was hurting from sitting for so long. haha.. seems like she's found her guy to slobber now. hey, what happened to your Ricky?? lol. i wonder what happened to him. but it's just as well. alas, i can stop being victimized by her slobbering though we haven't got down to slobbering yet. and in self defense, i haven't eaten a thing that day!!! the popcorn was my breakfast lunch and dinner!!! despite that, i didn't finish it okay. hahaha.. just as well, i'm a pig.pigging out in Perth because there wasn't anything else to do. basically ate, sleep, wake up and eat again. most of my entertainment came from watching the dvds mumsie brought with her. even the so-called shopping areas were mostly crap. i was bored. fucking boreed. i dread to think how i'm gonna survive a year over there. bored to death. but i think it was a mistake to voice it out loud because all the sympathy i got from my parents were rantings and scoldings. they said it was good because i was not going to be distracted by shopping and whatsnot. *yawns* twinny, do your shopping all here. the shopping's there crap. in the city, it's worse. the fashion is so outdated i think it belonged to the 50s and they charge heaven and earth for them. besides, the number of fashion shops in the city can be counted on your fingers. the cities in the suburbs are better but still, the fashion shops are really limited and the shops are small compared to singapore's. even those shops with acceptable fashion sense are teeny and charge a fortune for them. it's much wiser to shop in singapore. in fact, i don't think i've ever appreciated singapore's shopping scene until i got there.i was moaning and groaning when i saw all that they offered. thinking back at the times when i sniggered and smirked at comments at how singapore was named as a shopping and fashion hub, i could see where singapore was compared to. even so, the cost of living in Perth has gone up so much that i was pretty much the poor rat there. according to the locals, the cost of living in Perth is way higher than those bigger cities like Melbourne and Sydney because of the small population. Perth only has a population of 1.39149+million. way smaller than Singapore's population though the land mass is way bigger than Singapore's. hence, the cost of living is very high as there is a small population to make money from. gosh. didn't i regret studying in Perth then. honestly speaking, there were more shops selling food than anything else. but the food ain't cheap either. when they said living in Perth was cheap, that was aeeons ago. now, it's higher than Singapore.the Droste chocolates i can get in NTUC is $2.80 but over there, it costs $3.30. an average meal without drinks at a foodcourt is more than AD$10+ and please be reminded that there are no hawker centres over there. plus it was only just a plateful of food. it ain't as if it came with side dishes or soup etc. the clothes aren't cheap either. but still, it's just a comparison between the prices in Perth and Singapore. though it's supposedly cheaper to buy stuffs made in Australia in Australia, it's cheaper to buy them in Singapore. my pair of Gallaz shoes are retailing at SD$75 at any Flash N Splash or Surfbabe shops in Singapore but were retailing at AD$89 at a SALE. and there is a conversion of the currency. AD$1 is around SD$1.30. so which is cheaper? obviously it's Singapore. it need not take an idiot more than a few knocks on the head to get that. even a pair of plain denim shorts cost $79 at some unknown shop i walked in. gawd. i nearly fainted. trust me, living in a brand-conscious Singapore, and like any female teenager, i certianly know enough to recognize that the shop was certainly no hot shot brand or whatsoever. it was just another shop along the street while the shop next door was selling kebabs.the chocolates there were horrendously sweet except for the dark chocolates. any sweet stuffs you purchase there are all sweeter by Singapore's standards. i'm a hardcore sweet tooth and yet the first mouthful of my Continental Eclair nearly drove me to vomit my yesterday's dinner which led me to throw all the the chocolate coating of my Continental Eclair. i merely ate the choux pastry with the custard inside. i never ate more than a couple of bites of my desserts which included my Fruit Slice. the best desserts i ate there were the Carrot Cake and the Vanilla Slice which apparently did not require a lot of sugar because the main ingredients of the desserts needn't use a lot of baking essentials. they were mostly fruit and nuts, cream cheese for the Carrot Cake, filo pastry, milk and eggs for the Vanilla Slice. even the apple strudels were a tad too sweet for the tastebuds though they were better off in the sugar levels as fellow compatriots like the Continental Eclair.anyway, enough about the food. i have enrolled in the Canning College and surveyed around. wasn't too impressed but i guessed it would just have to do. low buildings....just okay i guess. i'm taking English, Political and Legal Studies, Accounting, Applicable Mathematics and Chemistry. haven't got a clue as to how i'm going to die yet. i took up Accounting only because it looked remotely interesting and mumsie said it was easy peasy as long i've got my common sense with me. good heavens. drama studies was too subjective in its grading that i felt slightly insecure in taking up the subject. ancient history and history covered subjects i have never studied before and i have a tough fight choosing my list 1 subjects which were the humanities. still Political and Legal Studies won the race as Anne Yates, my student co-ordinater assured me the skills were pretty much like history and since i was going to have to learn new things all over again, i might as well do something i would like to do in the future. anyhow, the combination of subjects i'm taking would ensure many open doors for me when i enter university.but the bad part was that i have to stay in homestay. fuck the system. 1 year more and i could stay in homestay. it was just too bad i wasn't born in January or February. argh. so from then on, daddy kept scolding me about my toilet habits and told me to wake up early just to use the toilet. what the hell. even wanted me to keep a schedule on when to use the toilet. what the fuck. how the hell am i supposed to know when i need to use the toilet and when i have stomach aches? i certainly didn't ask for stomach aches and it wasn't my fault that he kept scolding me to use the toilet when he wanted to use the toilet. dots. big DOTS. mega DOTSSS. for fuck's sake, my mood didn't turn any better.after i came back, my mood ain't turn any better. oh ya. btw, there were more Asians than Australians in Perth. at least 2 thirds of the people you see along the streets of Perth were Asians. and it was mostly the Asians that made up the skinny population over there. even mumsie was considered small by Australian standards. faints.god. and my mood ain't any better now. fucking pissed and fucking depressed. for no particular reason too. kept blaming mumsie for having pre-natal depression when she was pregnant with me. well, it is true. she told me herself. and now, i'm plagued with depression that keeps hounding me for no particular reason. even watching dvds or just talking to ally can make me want to cry. for pete's sake, i half-cried just getting out of the car. can i get any better?this entree is long enough for anything. i'm sick of it already. sometimes it makes me want to remain anonymous all over again. at least i can write what i want without being questioned about my free flowing emotions or who i'm writing about. stil, to prevent it, i haven't blogged about it. cheers. i'm going to lock myself up and watch dvds. re-watching Jewel in the Palace aka Da Chang Jin should do the trick. it's more than 70 series long i think. it took days watching it. diligent watching of the show since the Saturday before my Bio exam till yesterday; did i only finish watching it. just hope watching it every single second can speed up the process. fuck. i don't feel like going out. not even the lure of letting me cut my hair is going to do the trick. i just don't want to watch them buying josh's new laptop and daddy still haven't gave me my 300 bucks. what the hell. josh only got 224 and he's got a new laptop coupled with $800 in his bank account. what the fuck. and he's got 2 holidays along with it. not that i am not going on the holiday but when i got 244, everyone was on the holiday and they claimed it was my reward. i wasn't any richer and nor was i having any laptop. i only got my laptop in sec 2 and josh has got 2 laptops even before he hit sec 1. say i'm jealous but i'm not. i'm just pissed at how unfair it is. i just want my $300 and i haven't even seen it yet. what the hell. i'm not in a good mood.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:13 am.
