Saturday, November 19, 2005

hmm.. i went around reading other's blogs. twinny is stuck in some place drooling over the cute guys at some dinner. (sighs) it really is boring online without her. those taking their o levels this year are planning what they were going to do after the o levels and if they haven't finished their o levels already, they definitely were looking to the end of the o levels with much UN-concealed anticipation, much to their parents' annoyance. mumsie is pretty annoyed with me too. it feels as though there is no exams anymore. maybe this is why there is no sense of urgency in me to study yet. i've been wasting my friday night and saturday away. mann.. mumsie's threatening to call daddy wherever he is now to get me to study. but haven't they known how i am like? afterall, they have known be all my life. it amazes me to think how little my parents know about me. they should know by now that the more they try to force me to do what i don't like, the more i wouldn't do it. even if i did, it would only be for show and ultimately, it goes back to square one.

i can hardly wait till the exams are over. it's certainly going to be filled with shopping, shopping and more shopping. but the more pressing thing is to search for something for prom. good griefs. everybody is going out with their parents searching for their prom stuffs while i'm stucked here, sitting in front of my com at home though i'm supposed to be studying. i don't care if mumsie don't gives me anything but i definitely don't want to be humilated. pride is my perogative. it is pride that makes me tick. marcus always said that pride comes before a fall; that i would suffer because of my pride but so what? it is because of my pride that everytime i fall, i manage to stand up on my feet. but i think he knows me too well to say more. especially since i've been screaming and shouting at him, thrashing out at him, shooting him point-blank at everything he said. LOL. he's scared of me. funny. considering his big build and height, it would seem funny to anyone else that he should be afraid of me. hmmm.. on second thoughts, maybe afraid is not the word to use here, but he just lets me have my way.

still, we talk less these days. maybe it's because our situations have changed and that we, as people, have changed too. i feel guilty at how i've treated him before. it is odd that how i'd feel guilty at treating him so shabbily but somehow, it doesn't stop. everytime i tell myself to treat him better, the circumstances wouldn't allow me to do so. i'd end up snapping at him etc. in self-defense, i have to say that it ain't all my fault either. albeit times i have been unreasonable, but not everytime it was like that. still, we were very close. he dotes on me like no one have ever done before and certainly he did care. even if he cared a tad too much for my liking, was pompous and bossy beyond my low tolerance of bossiness. still, he was a good guy.

why do i always hurt those who care and really love me and to end up being hurt by those who don't care or love me? i have asked myself that many times. why don't i just continue that relationship and have a caring guy instead of breaking up to end up lonely and empty here? everytime i ask myself that, i find no answer within me. the only thing i got out of it was a realization. the realization that maybe that was why we broke up and patched so many times. it wasn't because i loved him, i needed him to keep out that empty feeling; to keep me happy. we weren't happy all the time but at least it provided me with some support through the rough times. it does seem weird but i was not the one that asked to patch everytime after we broke up. i resisted the idea of patching up because it was morally unright and ethically unjustified to do so. still, the empty feeling overwhelmed me that ultimately, i said yes. over and over again.

but when we got back together, he'd always ask me why i broke up with him. he accepted my lame excuses with much reluctance and even when i told him about isaac, he didn't say much. he did not judge or condemn me but still accepted me as a whole. i suppose he's great on that count. the entire decision to tell him about isaac surprised him and those who knew about it. i was quite shocked myself but the severity of my guilty conscience bade me to be honest or if not, MORE honest. anyway, it has all ended.

i told him the truth that we were better off as brother and sister; that we weren't cut out for a relationship. i loved him as a brother and nothing more. whether he felt the same, i am not sure. it was unfair to him in the sense that the breakup was never mutual. even in a divorce case, a divorce has to be mutual or it would never be granted. i simply did as i wished and left him to accept it. as usual, i got my way. he tried really hard, i'd grant you that. especially since this time, it was for real. but in a sense, later on, he got tired of it. getting rejected is no nice feeling to have. it is the same reason why people always fear rejection. they fear the feeling of rejection.

in a sense, don't i know it too? i've been rejected in my own way too. unloved, uncared for, neglected and used, it is a form of rejection too. the feeling sucks. still, why do i crave for it more? why do i open myself up those these kind of pain?

my answer is that women are melodramatic. they have the romantic fantasy and tendency to want this romance&drama-intense relationship, full of drama and maybe that tinge of tragedy. i don't know if it applies for every women but i think it does for me. a steady relationship is definitely not my thing. i would get bored with it in a matter of time.

lol. twinny sure has this effect on me to go bonkers. here she is; online and i'm far away from continuing in my blog. she tickles me into laughter that i am crapping more than usual. we are just two mad-caps that goes crazy when we are together. in a good way of course. hahaha.. having a stitch just by reading her blog and i'm driving her bonkers in return. and good heavens, i took more than 2 hours writing this until twinny came back here. ah wells. this is another mega-long entree.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:02 pm.

empty

i have returned to binge-ing. no more treadmill, no more nothing. just plain binge-ing. while every other girl are going through promnorexia; losing weight for the impending proms, i'm doing the otherwise. i simply eat and eat non-stop. it ain't that i'm not trying to curb my appetite, but i just can't help it. emotions have this funny effect on you but stress and depression only has 2. both are negative effects but it might be good for individuals depending on which angle you're looking from. depression only has two; gain weight or lose weight.

when depressed, tendency to feel like shit occurs very often. while some people experience the lost of appetite due to their feelings, some; like me, we experience an increase in appetite that we simply binge. food has this calming effect that soothes the frazzled emotions albeit only for the period of time while you are eating. still, it is like drugs. an addict would do anything just to experience that rush of adrenaline; to feel high. it is the same for me; anything to feel that sense of calmness, that temporary absence of emptiness and sadness.

i don't know why i feel this way. i feel like shit and i feel that my life is that way too. only that this time it ain't that bad. having someone to talk to keeps you more in touch with normality. thank heavens for twinny or i'd be doing something crazy instead. i'm not crying though i feel sometimes that i want to. i'm not killing myself just YET. but i don't think i want to kill myself either. there's just this something that makes me feel that life ain't worth living for but yet, i still want to continue with it.

like anybody depressed manics, we have the tendency to want to feel pain. it is sadistic but it is true. i'm a sadist and i can never try to deny that. in many different forms, the pain is felt. many slash wrists, torment themselves but i torment myself by eating. i think i've once revealed that i used to eat and eat till i'd simply puke from over-eating. bulimic or not, i think i was. it is ironical that how even for now, twinny and i have an agreement though it is just for jest. she's the anorexic twinny while i'm the bulimic twinny. some things just never change.

i'm sullen and difficult now. only few can get along with me because perhaps, these are the few whom i feel most at ease. people whom i'm familar with; people that i don't have to try and make the extra effort to be nice or polite to.

i'm swollen and i'm bulky. i can feel all the lumps and fats bunching up in my body. i feel fat and frumpy and i hate it. i hate myself for who i am and what i've let myself become. i've gained lots of weight and i hate it. i hate myself for making all sorts of resolution to stop eating but still eat anyway. i hate myself for eating despite not feeling hungry. i hate myself for letting myself being like that. i just hate being depressed.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 8:37 pm.

super long entree.

at the insistence of my dearest beloved twinny, here i am again. though i was supposed to blog another entry yesterday, i was simply to tired; drained out to do anything more. i vaguely recall myself trying really hard to stay awake whilst typing goodness-knows-what to rynnie. haha.. anyway, here it goes.

somehow, somewhere, as my sensitive side of me shows; different thoughts and emotions pop out during different times, different places. as in my natural instinct, i would instinctively think of what i would like to express in my blog. it ranged from the fiasca at Marina Square, Harry Potter Movie, even to the dead corpse lying on the road and till yesterday, my wretched irritation with my family and a realization of what i have never thought of before.

it wasn't till yesterday when he called me that i realized something more profound of what i have known all along. i was his tool for driving away boredom. talking to me when he's going home, until he's got something better to do or someone better to do things with. i have known that from the start, but still, it did not keep me away from talking or accompanying him till it was over. it was quite pathetic; the way i let myself be used like that and clinging to every second which we talked though i might have something else more imperative going on. but it was not till yesterday when i realized why i liked him all along. many a times he asked me why, what could a girl see in him, i didn't know what to say, but explained it was just quite an unexplainable thing. i found my answer yesterday. he reminded me too much of isaac. it wasn't that a did not have any good qualities in him that attracted girls but he was just too much like isaac. i was struck by the potency of the likeness, the qualities that they shared in common. albeit that they are starkly different in many ways, oddly, i was attracted to the same traits which they shared.

i thought i have had forgotten him; thinking that time had diminished the hurt, the pain, the fear but worse of all, the liking of him. i would not use that word love because i believe that nothing can overcome the power of love if it stood the test of time. afterall, he had left for australia for his pilot training not long after our date. the months he left seemed like years to me. i was afraid, i was hurt and i think i had really fallen for him. the things we did together was subreal, it was an entirely new experience and in a way, it changed me. when he came back, i was shocked that i stood rooted to the ground, transfixed at his message. he asked me out many a times, persistently and doggedly despite my many refusals because i knew he was dangerous, too dangerous for me. i walked on precarious grounds when i was with him. i'd lose my head when we are together, there's just this something in him that could persuade you to do anything; this something in him which could remove any warnings in you. ultimately, he backed off because he knew i had made up my mind. i longed badly to go but i knew i could not. i did not want to continue with my mistake and it was easier doing that without his enigmatic presense which could clean my mind state-clean. everytime i left, everytime i came back to the real world, i'd shock myself as i got swarmed in the aftermath, realizing what i had done. he changed the balance of power whenever i was with him. no matter what happened, somehow, i'm in his spell. i hate him, i really do. he makes me lose control of myself. in a way, he's quite a hypocrite. asking me; when ultimately, he could get control of me to agree with him. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!

as if all these weren't enough, problems don't come in ones. they come in packs, by the dozens i think. just when we were watching harry potter on thursday night.... i shall add a post script about it later. i was sandwiched between daddy and josh. daddy picked up a phone call in the midst of all that noise from the movie and he was shouting that he couldn't hear anything. it was really embarrassing because many people turned and stared at him. it didn't help that i was sitting right next to him. but then again, u'd have to realize that daddy's phone calls are normally very important. his handphone is extremely imperative in his business as fast response and decision-making is crucial in his trade that it could never be switched off or left neglected. every second lost is big business flushing down the toilet. those un-important phonecalls were only made by members of the family but then, all of us were in the movie theatre which could only mean that it was an important phone call that daddy had to pick up.

it turned out to be from the SIA. in a sense, they totally ruined my day. they made a big bluster and told us that our flight was actually on the 30th Nov when they told us it was on the 28th Nov previously.. just when we took all the trouble to arrange our schedules so that the dates when we were going off to Perth wouldn't clash with anything. more importantly, it was the 24thNov; collection of josh's PSLE results and grandma's birthday, 28th Nov; my prom and the 4th Nov; daddy's flight to shanghai, that we didn't want it to clash with. it clashed eventually. now i'm only allowed to go for prom for 2 hours+ before i head straight off to the airport. i mean, how can such a prominent organization like the SIA make such a blunder? don't they know the consequences?! are they really that arrogant that they think our lives revolves around them and their mistake-making??? (excuse me, but your lives don't revolve around mine and so neither does my life revolve around yours! get this clear and stop making such stupid blunders!) anyway, i got so mad that i told daddy and mumsie to sue them. it was not that simple.

1. mumsie had to beg for extra leave from her boss.

2. her colleagues being such brats were causing her mental distress by saying a lot of crap about her leave-taking.

3. this applied for daddy too.

4. i am suffering from EXTRA mental distress because i would not be able to enjoy my prom fully.

5. prom is an once-in-a-lifetime event.

6. they are wasting my money because i paid for my prom already.

7. i wouldn't get to see my friends after the prom.

what the hell, can we sue them now?

then it was mumsie. i knew i had to pay for my own prom stuff but when i asked her before, she said she'd give a hundred bucks. yesterday when i asked, she said eighty. when i asked why she kept changing what she said.

mumsie: oh. i think i shouldn't even give you eighty. even fifty is way too much.

naturally, i was gobsmacked and i was gaping at her with my jaws dropping to my lap. you can barely get a decent dress for a hundred bucks! what's more with eighty or fifty, what decent prom dress would i be able to get with that?! not to mention, shoes, accessories, makeup, hairstyling/haircut and all that stuff. i did not expect her to sponsor everything but at least the dress is the most basic thing of all. when i told her that, she was like telling me that i didn't need a dress. even a 2 two dollar shirt would suffice.

mumsie: even if you wear like mei mei (she was wearing pyjamas okay!!!) you can also go in to Fullerton so don't need to dress up lah. even if you go in those (translated from mandarin) shabby clothes, no one would care.

what the hell. i bet she would not go in pyjamas or those cheap clothes if she went to the Fullerton so what makes her think i would! if she wants to embarrass herself, go ahead. i don't want to embarass myself, thank you very much. besides, can you imagine yourself going to prom in a cheap t-shirt and shorts plus slippers/sandals when everybody is dressed up formally, decked out in their best? trust me, humilation and embarrassment are not the only things on the cards. afterall, prom is all about dressing up. trust me, even though they said it isn't, it's a sad fact of life. it's a time when everybody play dress up and doll up. arghh. parents. though they always say you can enjoy yourself how you like after the exams because they will let you have your fun, IT IS SO NOT TRUE. they simply ruin everything. all the fun you are entitled to, it's just a delusion. mine kept saying how they wanted me to have fun at my prom so they will try to avoid a clash in the dates; the night when we recieved the call, daddy and mumsie were saying: IT'S JUST A PROM ONLY WHAT. WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT? gawd. i felt like telling them to stuff it.

serious. my day, my night was entirely ruined by all that. it didn't help later on when we left Carl's Jr when we spent ages searching for the car because mumsie thought she parked at Level 1. the carpark was humongous, even for level 1. in the end, it turned out to be at Basement 1. gawd. it was pass midnight before we reached home when a traffic jam from town all the way to upper changi road took place. the dead corpse was lying next to our car!!!!!!!!! ewwwww. i was so traumatised. the bus screen looked as though a bullet had gone through it while the civil defense and fire engines coupled with the firemen, civil defense people and policemen were all around the area. later on, it strucked josh to know how "KPO" singaporeans are. parked along the roadsides at the nearby roads, there were plenty of cars doing that illegal parking thingy with the cars empty of course. good heavens. what's so nice to watch? for me, i couldn't even wait to get home. i was drained, tired out by all the series of events. my life is like shit. i feel like shit.

thank goodness i have my twinny. phew. at least she keeps my day shining. RYNNIE... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s: people who read the book, don't watch the movie unless you get a free ticket or if you are really curious of how it looks like real-life. otherwise, don't watch it.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 2:21 pm.

stayalive: AIDS

Friday, November 18, 2005

well, first things first. this is more of an importance as i review what i initially wanted to write, just in case i end up typing one entree for the day. AIDS. how important is AIDS and how it affects us? what are the issues regarding AIDS? are we living in a world of AIDS-awareness or not? as i watched MTV Asia today, the Staying-Alive Program made me more self-conscious as a being on this earth and the issues happening in the world. if i had been sufficiently aware of this issue, or sufficiently equipped with knowledge of such knowledge, let's just say that today, the program heightened my awareness up another ten notches. it was really interesting; seeing an entire group of people, coming from nations all over the world, congregating in one studio, addressing the issue with many prominent characters and the people behind the scene.

debate has taught me well. i have learnt not to be one-sided in my judgement and i realized how...let's just say, naive, people can get. first up, it was the interaction with the head of a prominent pharmaceutical company as well as 2 research professors.

ARGUMENT: WHY ARE MEDICINES PRICED AT SUCH HIGH PRICES? PEOPLE ARE DYING OUT THERE AND THE POOR CAN NOT GAIN ACCESS TO SUCH MEDICATION. PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES ARE OUT FOR PROFITS. THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT PROVIDING HEALTH-CARE FOR PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT WEALTH GROUPS.

i have always thought that pharmaceutical companies were inhumane. they jack up the prices to such high prices that only those minority which can gain access to them only because they can afford it. but what about the poor? is it fair to let them die just because they do not have the money? or even as much as they try to keep the costs to the minimum, it is just simply to costly to be affordable to the majority. also, we have to realize that what is affordable to us might not be affordable to everyone else.

still, i have gained an insight to this issue today. PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES ARE NOT GOVERNMENT COMPANIES. THEY ARE JUST LIKE ANY COMPANIES; PROFIT-DRIVEN. JUST BECAUSE THEY TOUCH ON HUMAN ISSUES SUCH AS LIFE-SAVING DRUGS, DOES THAT MEAN THEY HAVE TO BE CHARITY? THEN WHO IS GOING TO KEEP THEIR COMPANY AFLOAT?

the reason why pharmaceutical companies exists is because they produce drugs. on a mass-scale. but what goes into the production and distribution of such drugs? years or even months of research by the various researchers, professors and people of other profession. such intensive and intricate labour of research to finally produce the drug is costly. the amount of money the pharmaceutical companies have to pump into the research, the amount of money to pay for the wages of these people, where does it come from? the higher executives of these companies do not live on water and bread either. there is only one solution but to increase the prices of such drugs to supplement the wages of the people and to invest in the research of such life-saving drugs. otherwise, the medical technology will stagnate and how do humans benefit from it? in fact, it would not only NOT benefit many people but the entire human population.

this brings me back to the theory of COMMUNISM and CAPITALISM. why doesn't communism work out? the reason is simple and clear: people see no incentive to work harder. capitalism gives people the incentive to work because it allows the people to work for profit. Pharmaceutical Companies are no different either. just because they produce life-saving drugs, does that make them any different from any other companies? they are not charity. it is pointless to call them inhumane because at the end of the day, who does not work for profits? even as the millions of people are at work as i type this, people are working for profits. then, is it pausible to call the entire world inhumane? human nature is such. that's how profit, greed and incentives come about. JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE WORK FOR CHARITY? STILL, THEY STILL HAVE TO EAT, DON'T THEY? charity ultimately comes from profits. people have to have the PROFITS first, before they can actually donate or do charity. we work for a living. that's the fact of life. nothing is free in this world.

they kept emphasizing on the fact that people in third-world countries or countries where poverty is common, these people cannot gain access to these drugs due to the high prices. but ultimately, what is affordable to me might not be affordable to everyone else. there can never be pleasing everybody, especially in this case where everybody technically means the world. why they kept harping on the same thing over and over again is because they are affected. it would benefit them and also another bunch of people if the costs of the drugs were lowered. but then again, even if the prices were continually lowered, does it mean that EVERYONE can still afford it? there would always be those that still cannot afford it despite the lowered price. we also need to look at this issue from the Pharmaceutical Companies' point of view. we need to understand that they are profit-driven companies. they are not responsible for our healthcare but are only responsible for producing drugs for our healthcare. if their returns is not the equivalent of the capital, we might find ourselves in serious trouble as pharmaceutical companies would fold and then, who is going to create these drugs? who is going to fund the research and production of more life-saving drugs? people, it is PROFITS that fund these.

ultimately, we cannot appease everybody but come up with measures to IMPROVE THE SITUATION. they can cut deals with the governments of the respective countries to provide such drugs at lower costs. the governments are responsible for the welfare of their people, not the pharmaceutical companies. still, that does not mean that the governments have to provide free medication. look at it at a business point of view. the theory of supply and demand. pharmaceutical companies work on the basis of QUALITY not QUANTITY. but because the governments can ensure that there would be a huge demand, it would be more practical for them to MASS-PRODUCE so as to gain their profit from selling in such huge QUANTITIES and NOT QUALITY.

still, not every country is doing that; cutting deals with pharmaceutical companies, though it would benefit their people.

next up: the interaction with ex-US President Bill Clinton

dubbed as: the first US President to ever take AIDS seriously; raised AIDS-awareness

issue: Stigma and discrimination of AIDS and political aspects regarding AIDS

the problem raised by one of the ladies was that though he might be raising AIDS-awareness in a positive manner, why did he not remove laws that caused stigma and plausible discrimination such as forms which made you declare if you were HIV positive or not. an abated breath took place then. it was also the first criticism directed at such a prominent figure. it lead the ball rolling before everyone got the guts to openly criticise and ask a former president questions about AIDS based on the political perspective.

his given answer did not fail the expectations of what was given of him. as usual, his answer was comprised of diplomatic tact and sincerity if u asked me. he said that HIV positive people should not be ashamed of their situation so why would declaring yourself HIV positive become a stigma for discrimination? moreover, he explained the irony the people felt about raising funds for the different causes as compared to AIDS. funds expected to be raised for the September 11 were raised in the matter of 3 days whereas funds for AIDS, over the timeframe of years, funds raised were not up to the expectations. however, he explained that the Government could raise so much funds for the September 11 cause in the matter of such a short period of time as there were plans as to how to spend the money. but the matter of AIDS is so diversified and plans to use the sum of money were still not drawn up to account for the use of the money. hence, progress to raise the money is more difficult.

every government should be expected to aid in AIDS-prevention/cure etc. but there is a budget and a limit to what the governments can provide and give. moreover, the country's treasury is funded by the tax-payers. we must come up with something constructive so as to make full use of the tax-payers' money, otherwise it would cause a lot of problems in the country internally which would also be highly unneccessary.

he explained that; in everything, there has to be a PLAN. something as easy-peasy to draw up; STRATEGY & PLAN is crucial in every proposal and would facilitate the process, hence, speeding up the process in raising the funds needed. therefore, a sound HEALTH PLAN is crucial.

ok. this is long enough. ally wants to use the com. shall post up other stuffs some other time. i've written for more than 3 hrs++, coupled with a lot of television in between. haha..

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 3:14 pm.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

YOU ARE A STILLETO HEEL!! you love to partyand can be very sexy. You may also be very
painful.

What type of shoe are you??
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HASH(0x8c8cf54)

Your twin is Alicia Keys. Soulful and always
speaking the truth. You are kind to everyone
and you barely have any enemies. Isn't it good
to be you ?

QUiZ: Who is your twin celebrity y??{ w/ great pics !!} GiRlS OnLiI
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HASH(0x8cb6ca4)

awesome! your house look like a romantic get
away!!!!sweeet! you have a huge house build
like a romantic castle . you have style.write
me and rate my quiz . oh i hope you let me see
your cool new dream house!!I'll love to
swim!your house is just so romantic!

WHAT is your dream house???? take the quiz......
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♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:56 pm.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

You are the Angel of Sorrow. You are always lost
deep in thought, and sad, though you may not
know why. You long for the pain to go away
above everything else, and yet a part of you
needs the depression, so you can never truly
get out of it. You are a kind person, but you
don't let yourself get close to other people
for fear of being hurt.

What are you the Angel of?
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harmony

The goddess of Harmony. You can get along with
pretty much anyone. You are able to fit into
any type of crowd and can be popular one day,
or not noticed the next. You keep ALL your
friends in check by stating obvious solutions
and telling them to never regret anything they
do in life. Because of your logic, people DO
sometimes find it hard to get along with you,
but once you assure them that your logic only
comes when is needed, they open up to you and
can tell you anything. You are most likely the
"shoulder-to-cry-on" in your group(s)
of friends and many people look up to you! Your
power would be to unite all universes with your
logic.

What are you a Goddess of? - (with anime pics)
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HASH(0x8bf2da4)

You are numb. Someone broke your heart and now you
can't seem to get over it. You are numb to
those around you, even though they all love and
admire you. Your quote: Everywhere I go,
everyone I meet, every time i try to fall in
love, they all wanna know why I'm so broken;why am I so cold, why i'm so hard inside, why am i
scared, what am i afraid of? I don't even know!This story's never had an end; I've been waiting,
i've been searching, I've been hoping, I've
been dreamingyou would come back.But I know the ending of this story.You're never coming back. NEVER.

What kind of relationship suits you?
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You will fall for your best friend. This guy has
always been there for you. He makes you laugh
but is always up for a serious convorsation
when needed. Everyone has alway suspected you
have a thing for him but you have never realy
liked him liked him. Well, until now. He is
kind and looks decent atleast in your eyes. Go
ahead and go for it chances are he feels the
same. He is the type of guy that will buy you
flowers and chocolates and wait foryou at your
locker. If only every guy was like that...

What guy will you fall for?( he has fallen for you too) (gals only plz)
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HASH(0x8598450)

You are a Locked-Up Girlfriend! You have locked
yourself out of love, weather it be because you
have experienced too many heartbreaks, or that
you just dont want to. Whatever it is, you try
not to love, and maybe even convince yourself
to fall out of love. If a guy ever did find the
lost key to your heart, he might not be able to
open it.Quote: There is always some madness in love. But
there is also always some reason in madness. -
Friedrich Nietzsche

What Kind of GIRLFRIEND are YOU? (with pics)
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HASH(0x8c48c5c)

Your a vampire. You keep your friends close and
enemys closer. Devious and sneaky.

What creature are you? (great anime pics.)
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HASH(0x8b8f980)

you are a romantic girl. you have a special bond
with the opposite sex. you love guys and they
love you. you dress with the fashion that is
currently in

what kind of girl are you?
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phoenix

PHOENIX

You are the phoenix! A
phoenix is a a giant, magnificent bird plumed
and wreathed in flame. The phoenix is a symbol
of healing and of peace. The phoenix is calm
and serene in all things. The phoenix also
symbolizes rebirth as this creature is reborn
from the ashes of its death during which it
enrupts into flame and disintegrates. The
phoenix can also be a symbol for faith and for
hope.

Which mythical creature resides in your soul? (11 Results + Pictures)
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♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:36 pm.

shamed

has anyone felt that nasty sickness in the pits of your soul? i have. i just did. today. now. ever knew how you never understand about some things and when you read it for the millionth and one times, the meaning suddenly pops out and hit you in the face, with its clarity comparable to the clearest of all diamonds? i just did.

i have mistaken him, ranted at him, saying all those things i should not have. just because i did not understand what was going on. i feel ashamed. ashamed of being so insensitive, thoughtless and tactless. things i have prided myself for having before. i berated, i openly dispaired, disappointment and all; when i should have offered comfort and encouragement. now, i know my mistakes but it's too late for amends.

i made him sound or rather, the exact word to use is accuse. i accused him of being the victim pretending to be a victim, when in actual fact, he is a victim of the harsh reality of life. i think he was shocked, shocked by my display of raw anger and disappointment that he apologised. arrrgghhh... why am i such a fool?! i didn't know anything about his prediacarment so i should have just kept my mouth shut. by the tail of the cow, i just can't seem to keep my mouth closed long enough to stay out of trouble!!! sew my mouth please!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... i feel guilty and shamed.

twinny, here's your special mention. boy, i'm supposed to fall deeply and madly in love with you than ever; which i am. help me stop falling for people i should steer clear away!!!!!! the only person i want to fall in love with is YOUUUU!!!!! ok. now, i DO sound like a les madcap. LOL.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:05 am.

amath woes

when would my blog have no problems? this is a question mark that has been bothering me for some time. it irks me to see the window saying that the Internet Explorer has run into some errors and ask to shut the program. dots! it is very irritating and i have tried to change the song of the blog to stop incurring in the "error report" again. to no avail, the problem still exists. weirdly enough, the problem only exists when I use my or mumsie's computer to enter my blog straight away from internet explorer. but it does not happen if i enter the blog from my blogger homepage. HELP!!!

icks. calling for help too many a times already. i'm supposed to learn to be independent. hahaha.. with the help of twinny of course. ahhhh.. being online without , one can sense the vast difference as with being online with her. total peace and quiet. hahaha.. nah. actually it is kinda boring without her. know the saying that some people add spices and flavour to life? well, here's a life example of such people. she adds all sorts of fun and life into mine! hahaha.. that's one of the reasons why i love her so much!!! :)

still, as she is sitting for her exams, i am here; typing away for my dear life. it is way too early for me to start on my a math but there is this nagging feeling in my tummy that refuses to go away. a feeling of dread and anxiety i suppose, it reflects on my worrying concern if i could do well for my a math. a math has taken over my dreams. i woke up this morning only to realise that i was dreaming about the exam and i found the solutions to 2 other problems i couldn't do yesterday!!! seriously, i totally blanked out. hopefully it wouldn't happen again. i would place my head into the pits and start drowning myself if i ever did. :/

oh gawd.. a math certainly does not have a good effect on me. that nasty feeling of dreaded fear and anxiety has led itself to be; not only a mental but also a physical feeling. it's upsetting my tummy and i've been up ever since 3:43am in the morning, constantly visiting the loo until i ended up in mumsie's room. parents have that oddly comforting aura around them when you need them most. so there i landed up at, the 4 of us, mumsie, ally, daddy and i, we were cosying up to one another, squashed in the bed. hahaha.. ally makes a great bolster!!! though i don't use a bolster to go to bed, i hugged her to sleep. :)

her future husband is sure going to be a hell of a lucky guy. she's a leggy beauty with that cute persona of hers, she's is going to be a future hearts-breaker. what's more, she's a good bolster too! it counts for a lot okay. but it doesn't help that she's anxious about marriage already. (roolls eyeballs) even as she was partaking in her share of morning breakfast, she was talking about marriage. that seems to be the topic on her lips these days. (sighs) however, today, it focused on mixed marriages. she was wondering about the children of mixed parentage. LOL. she's still too young to understand that it was furtile trying to explain to her the idea of mixed parenthood after a few minutes. still, it was quite amusing to see how the mind of a 7 year-old worked. ahh.. she's plain adorable.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:33 am.

all the gunk mixed up

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

MY GAWD. I SO TOTALLY MISSED THAT TAG ON MY TAGBOARD. lol. i didn't notice it until today. *faints* no wonder. no wonder. i don't wonder anymore. it is really amazing how oblivious i am to everything and anything. no wonder in the change of attitude, no wonder in the change of tone in that entree, no wonder in the change of everything!

am i writing in this blog in a dream? am i? am i? i have tried pinching myself and it hurts. but technically, when u are in a dream, it'd hurt when u virtually pinch yourself right? like how you would say "ouch" when you are pinched, though you are in a dream and all....

anyway, i'd better not say that. otherwise mumsie would be claiming that night-psycho was me. yesterday when i was preparing to go out with xanne, jenni came up to my room wondering if the laptop she found downstairs was mine. i thought not but it turned out otherwise, with white sticky fingerprints. EEEEWWWwww.. my laptop! i thought it was mumsie's because she was the only one using her laptop; which incidentally is the same as mine, downstairs. i suppose i forgot that she would never leave the house without her laptop before she heads to work. i seriously thought it was hers until i saw josh's memory card sticking out. it was there, at the same place where i left it the night before.

everybody denies at touching my laptop and jenni said she found it downstairs when she woke up. it corresponded with what mumsie said because she too, found it downstairs when she headed downstairs. everybody thought it was me when it was NOT. mumsie said i was probably SLEEPWALKING. but hello?! i'm not the sleepwalker in the family. ally is! not me! and why on earth would i sleepwalk all the way to the 3rd floor just to take the laptop and sleepwalk all the way to the base level to leave my laptop there???!!! it makes no sense. besides, it was running low on battery which was one of the reasons why i stopped talking to twinny and went offline!

i was the last one to wake up that day. i distinctly remembering waking up seeing ally drawing doodles when i woke up. eeekks! we found another set of sticky white fingerprints at the ledge of the door leading from the kitchen to the backyard. whoever touched my laptop came in from the backyard. the fingerprints looked as if the person grabbed the ledge from the outside. you can see the fingerprints of 2nd,3rd,4th and 5th fingers!!! creepy!!! plus jenni locks the doors and windows before she sleeps!!! just when we thought there was a ghost or something. (shudders) jenni daren't sleep ytd 'cause she sleeps downstairs where the living room & co are. poor her.

ah wells. it sure is freaky but it's not deterring me from my sleep. i need my sleep. and speaking of deterring, the o levels is sure not deterring any girls from checking out stuffs for prom. LOL. i need mass prom shopping after the o levels!!!! i ain't got anything ready or planned for prom yet. it's just going to be a slapdash affair when my twinny even has a makeup artiste lined up already. (can anyone say jealous here?) hahaha.. i am!!! she has got the orange juice!!!

:/ no juice for me... sad. and yes, twinny, i shall get my sister to marry the old millionaire of hers and include the terms of dowry to include sponsorships to Marie France Bodyline!!! hahahaha... but oops. i think i notice the flaw almost immediately. we need to wait another decade and a half before it happens. sighs.. i need it now to fit in a decent prom dress!!!! SPONSORS PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES!!!

and i nearly forgot to add. TWINNY->> NO MATH THANK YOU!!! i'm a madcap as it is. any madder and the sponsors would be too frightened to sponsor any of us. if i'm mad, chances of you being mad is erhh... 99.999999%. hahaha.. but i still love you whether mad or not. we'd just be accompanying each other in the mental asylum driving the mad old fogeys madder. HAHAHA...

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 8:35 pm.

crazzed-madcap

i haven't been posting regular entrees i used to before so here i am, giving a mega-long entree to make up for the rest. and before i start off my long nonsense; I LOVE YOU RYNNIE!!! for the record, she's my beloved twinny! haha.. we've been getting haywired signals before so thank godness it's all tuned already. we're online talking! hahaha.. a twinny a day keeps boredom away. :)

practically nearly every entree of ours, are somehow linked to one another. yeayyy!!! it makes me feel so loved and special. (thanks twinny!!!) hahaha.. this is how our days has passed, being madcaps and all, we complement one another though my twinny's obsessed. (good griefs! gimme that orange juice and you can have my bread. i like the juice. "/ )

today's a math paper was tough. heavens, i did all the paper 1 of other schools' preliminary papers and still, it was not good enough for the o levels. ARGH! 23 marks down the drain. don't tell my dad. i think he'd flip far worse than he did when he asked me about the paper in the afternoon. and when all i told him was that i didn't know how to do SOME questions. get the point? oh wells. (twinny... where did all your mathematical genes in me go to??!!!)

it didn't help that i totally blanked out when it came to the co-ordinates question when it used to be my BEST section. could not find the jimmy from the timmy of the question. GOOD HEAVENS! where did my brains go to? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. haha. i am a mad lunatic. no thanks to a math. *rolls eyeballs*

shicks! my testimonials on friendster are gone. ZILCH. NOTHING. ZIP. EMPTY. what the hell is going on with Friendster?! hmm.. going to check again. and i found out my entrees are getting more and more lacklustre. i think i write better entrees when i am upset/depressed/lonely. happiness gets into the way of my writing, or rather, it keeps me away from writing. hmm... i will write a better entree the next time. I PROMISE. someone please stop me from feeling hungry again... twinny, quit it with the diet. i'm feeling so guilty over all those junk i ate though i told myself not to, when i was pigging out. HELP! can someone also sponsor me to go to Marie France Bodyline too? hahahahaha...

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 7:47 pm.

maddddd!!!

Monday, November 14, 2005

I'VE GOT A SPLIIIIIIIIIIIIIITING HEADACHE!!! that's what u get when u try doing math for hours at Mos Burger which basically involves xanne and I getting up to buy food, eat food, drink drinks, go to the toilet, talk nonsense, hear me whine and the whole cycle repeats itself again. woke up feeling half-past-six and hours later, i feel half-past-six.

yeay!!!! my twinny just dedicated most of her blog entrees to me. soooooooo sweet. haha.. i lurve you truckloadss twinny! no annsie though. reminds me of bugs. EWWW.. haha.. can you be netta then? rynnie's ok too. haha.. neat. we shall have our spynames. just like enigma. (winks) he's some famous secret agent that operates with the code Enigma. but let's think of cooler ones aite?

ah wells. twinny ain't here so it's kinda boring without her online. (hey, i think you spoil me too much that now you aren't here, i'm having no fun without you!!!) haha.. btw, i'm a complete nut about computers. all i know HP is good cuz mine's HP. hahaha... i'll help you ask my mum. i think she knows more about computers than my family combined. i seem to have inherited my dad's lack of computer knowledge though i'm much better at using the com than he is. LOL. daddy can't scold me 'cause it's true. (lalala..)

so yeah. i think i am flunking a math tml. serious. i have no idea how to do any questions and at the rate i'm going, i'm never going to finish or complete my amath paper. GOD!!!! can you hear me??? HELP! hmmm.. i think my mind is working overtime. the circuits are going to backfire onme. AHHHHHHH!

WHERE IS MY TWIN?

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 6:14 pm.

MyCompositions: Depression

Sunday, November 13, 2005

back. i'm back again. amath don't appeal to me and it never had. or maybe it had, but just once upon a time, on a rare blue moon. here's something i gave myself to accomplish lest i start whining. AGAIN.

Darkness loomed ahead as he, as usual, continued his journey back home. Everyday was merely a routine, a routine well ingrained in his system that he lived his life as a monotonous robot; devoid of life and all feelings. No one ever guessed what was going through that mind of his, no one ever knew what he was thinking or feeling. He looked like a normal teenager, and that was what everyone thought he was. Sad enough, that was exactly what he was not. A teenager; yes but definitely not normal.

Depression caught his coat tails and followed him wherever he went. Depression was his master, his superior and his demons. He never thought to fight it, but even when he did, he was weak. He did not have the strength nor the will to fight this demon till the end. Courageous as he was, he tried but gave up eventually.

Deceiving as appearance was, no one had any idea of what inner turmoils he had to go through. As all victims alike, it was almost a shame to admit that he had problems that he would rather keep it all to himself. Not wanting to burden those close to him, or maybe, it was just too hard to explain. Suffocating under the tight grasp of control this evil beast had, he learned to adapt to his situation.

Perhaps, he simply got too accustomed to the feel of depression, he became a victim; an addict to Depression. Needing to feel pain, wanting to feel hurt, craving to be alone. Clammed up in his own world, he leads a double life. The life that reigns supreme when he is alone and the other, the life where he constantly keeps up a convincing facade. For how long, I wonder, just how long can he last like that?

Even as he continues putting on the mask, acting out his scenes, he feels weary of what life has to offer. Depression is his drug; he could not wait to get to his other life. Gradually, he drifts away from his family and friends; the only sign of his normal life. He shuns those who care, he rejects the help of those that offer.

I think he is too jaded about life, or he is more sadistic than I thought. Afterall, I have gone through this phase of depression myself. Though such phases have decreased these days, it strikes me when I am unguarded. Hard as I have tried to shake free of this demon, at least I tried. Really hard. While sometimes I scored victories, certainly I have had my fair share of defeat. Still, I never forgot, who was my foe. As much anger or hate I might have had in me; regarding matters of the heart, academics, teachers, family and even friends, I never forgot which was my worse enemy.

Do not let that overheading darkness block out any ray of hope, any ray of faith. Do not continue to be that blind man, literally blind, groping in the life of darkness, unsure of where to go, what life to lead. Never let depression make you feel guilty of being happy. Happiness is a right due to anybody. Depression is naught. It is only an emotion, a demon, a bully, that strikes its victim when the victim is weak.

Be strong, hold onto your faith. Gruelling the process may be, you need to tough it all out. Time is the key factor in your success, but mind you to hold out till Time has done its work. Don't give up even before Time has finished its work with Depression. Don't give up on your ally, don't let yourself lose that advantage. Depression has to be fought. Not oppressed. Or to succumb into. Gather your courage and may God bless you.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 4:09 pm.

oh where oh where..

"oh where oh where is my twinny today?..." i miss you twinny!!!! tried tagging on all our tagboards but it simply refused to work. rahhhhh! after so many tries, i gave up typing decent msgs and started typing gibberish in hope that, by some sadistic turn of events, it would magically appear on the screen. but sadly, no, it did not appear!!!

does this reminds anybody of something? it did, to me. it was just because i was too crappy so i took the picture. some rolled their eyeballs and some laughed in raccously when they knew what i was thinking. lol.

does this resemble a similar figures problem? boy.. i'm just lame.

i'm still feeling really shitty though i've cheered up considerably after looking the sweet pictures of my family. they are a huge bunch of lovely people. but i'm just too lazy to post it now.

early this morning, it was 3 am++ in the morning when i realized what time it was. no wonder rynetta and xanne were off like dead flies. hmmm.. no. not a good expression to use. how about bowling pins instead? they were like the pins being knocked to ground when night went Smack!Bing!Bong!, they were all retiring to bed. as for me, i thought 3am only felt like 12am. anyway, i realized they were tired so they went to bed but i couldn't sleep. too hyped up or what, i never knew. but i just want my twinny here........ good heavens, i'm whining now. it is never a good sign. ah wells. i think i better do something more constructive. haha.. unless you're a huge fan of my whining bouts, tell me. i shall whine non-stop that you would never wish you set your eyes on my blog. EVER. hahaha..

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 3:07 pm.

messed up

i confess. i've completely messed up; yesterday, today and even this morning. nothing good seems to last long for me. the positive "chi" shuns me like a normal person to a leper. they leap and run far far away from me. this is how bad things have "progressed" to.

even as i had tuition this morning, of which we were doing amath which is super important to me, i couldn't focus and my brain space was hollow, devoid of my brain. my tuition teacher noticed it too. i couldn't help thinking if she felt that i was simply wasting her time, and mine. considering that i was constantly distracted and seemingly careless all the time. anyhow, i shall not dwell on the bad. i'm going to post what i had originally intended to post yesterday. boy, i took nearly 300 pictures within the frame of a few hours! believe it or not, yes, i was just THAT bored.

this is rynetta's potty!!! a huge cavernous vat.
right. and i had better keep my mouth shut because this was used to serve our soup. haha.. huge enough to fit butts plus many years of poo to come. :)

Massive enough for you, my twinny?
haha.. this was after everybody at the table was served. plenty to go round. but hey, you should see what happens later. (winks)

Look at how much was left!!!
this is after everybody took 3-4 bowls (on average), of soup with the dregs. my cousin-in-law bullied me into drinking more. lol. i don't even like soup but i drank tonnes. felt like a bloated pufferfish. (groans)

on the whole, i think the restaurant; CantonWok did a blooming trade. how come, all of us were bloated and were quite full after all that soup with the stuff inside. and this, was just the 1st dish. lol. my uncle ordered quite a lot of dishes but we ended up with only 5. ain't it dumb or what? we waited, not that we minded really, for the dishes to arrive, over the space of a few hours and only 5 dishes turned up. it was nearly eleven o'clock when the waitress serving this VIP Room which i thought they thought we were Very Idiotic People instead. she gave us the bill though we haven't got to the end of the "supposed" dinner. ha! we weren't that dumb either. my uncle is as sharp as a whip. yes, even till today when he is a proud granddaddy of 3 beautiful grandchildren. heh.. my beloved nephews and nieces. they look like Botticelli angels. serene and what i call the golden children. :)

so we paid for what we ate; not more and not less, and left. we were very full anyway. though i was not particularly pleased with the service, (WE PAY GST FOR PETE'S SAKE!), at least the food was good. creative inventions but it tastes really good. the chef is one person that any woman would be happy to marry. haha..

see that pork floss thingy over there? that was my favourite. yum.. mumsie said it was soft shell crab with pork floss but it turned out to the BRINJAL with pork floss. hahahaha.. but then again, i never knew brinjal to taste so wonderful. the next picture shows this piece of fried sliced "mantou" with foie gras on top. it has it's peking duck skin eaten by my dear josh whilst this is my attempt at artistic food decoration. it DOES come with the kiwi. you're supposed to eat it together. neat ehh? east meets west. MANTOU vs. FOIE GRAS. haha..

haha.. getting hungry? i sure am. i think i ate more than i've ever eaten the entire week in just 1 night. serious. there are more pictures to come but i think this is long enough. daddy and mumsie are yelling at me to get my ass downstairs to eat. rahh.. shall post other pictures sometime later. yeay!!!

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:24 pm.

the continual of QuizFun

Saturday, November 12, 2005

twinny, i'd absolutely retract my words. i'm not too lazy to post some of these quiz results. it's really cool, in a sense that some shed light to your true self while some are kinda amusing to see the unknown sides of yourself that you'd never know. well.. if some are simply crap with no relations to your true self, that i wouldn't know. but these is for all. don't really want to flood the entire blog with quizzes and more quizzes in just one entry. a bit here and there would make things go a long way. :) the fairy quiz is interesting but i know i don't disappear to see my fairy family. LOL. i don't even know where or how to go and who they are. haha.. but i like the weddin gown. it reminds me of the phrase "rich and creamy". all the brocades and heavy train, it is really more of a medieval princess gown that gives you the ethereal look. smashing!

fairy

Fairy- Your friends all think that you are human,
but you dissaper at odd times to see your fairy
family. You cannot let anyone know what you
are, because if they knew, you wold be put into
a zoo.

What is your secret identity? (anime pics-girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x8c224b8)

Luxurious. You love to be pampered and
bathed in fine things. The dress which
describes you does just that. Made with heavy
and beautiful threads, it shows others just how
expensive you can be.

Which Wedding Dress Suits Your Personality? {Pictures!}
brought to you by Quizilla

Kissy ^_^

Your a romantic girl! You love your man very much
and will do anything to make sure he's happy.
Your all into kissing and always hope that he
will love you like you love him!

What Type of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:02 pm.

haha.. i don't know if i want to cry or laugh. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE!!! haha.. isn't it smarvellous? (smarvellous: slang for simply marvellous. used in ancient times by the ladies of the court.) or rather, i think it is. can't really remember the exact history of the word but the meaning is correct. haha.. know how our english teachers keep harping on not using singlish and slang? (winks) haha.. aren't they in for a trick or treat now! haha.. english slang. used widely by the great authors of classic English Literature of all times. Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, Charlotte Bronte, Anne Bronte, Emily Bronte... in fact, you can hardly miss all the slang found in their works as such use of such words bring them closer to the readers. more personal and less formal. it makes the novel less intimidating to read. :)

i'm really, honestly, cross my heart, going to become a paedophile!!! this guy is just soooooo cute! haha.. and guess what? he's 4 years my junior. LOL. he's josh's friend. in fact, i think josh's kinda attracted to him as well. haha.. otherwise, why would he take rueben's (this guy in name) picture?! y'know... the idea of a guy taking another guy's picture in class?... LOL. and seriously, rueben's gorgeous. ahh.. but the part about me turning paedophile? i was just KIDDING okay. 4 years is way too off. it's like dating my own brother. EWWWW...

okay okay. josh, don't smack my ass! but yeah. though sometimes we pretend that we're b/gf in front of others, i still don't want you for my bf. bb; best brother/boy brother is okay. oh wait!!! brother is boy. gawd. what am i saying?!! *smacks head* yea. okay. stick to best brother then.. but tecnically, it's no competition. considering that his my ONLY brother. hahaha.. best BRATHER; yeah.. plenty of competition but BROTHER; no fight.

josh's taller than me, looks matured for his age etc. so it's really easy for us to fake. and many a times, ppl ask me if he's my boyfriend! godness, can you imagine?!!! someone ever told me that we've got the (translated from mandarin) husband-wife look. (rolls eyeballs)

guess they didn't realize that all we've got is the brother-sister look. only sammie and her huiwen; not related by blood, look just like a pair of brother and sister. besides, dating a guy the equivalent of your younger brother is never a good thing. too many com games and immature talk to handle with. can't stand it. urghh.. a younger brother like that is more than enough to deal with.. (sighs) kenneth was just like that too. oh well. at least i know now. a lesson well taught is a mistake never repeated.

haha.. it's a nice quote though i read about the lesson well taught part, i couldn't remember the bottom part so i simply filled it to give the same meaning as the exact wording is lost to me.

right. and here's another quiz i did today. haha.. xanne, u've really got me into quizzes. hmm.. no one nice to talk to is online. waiting for my dear evil twinny rynetta to come, so that i can slobber her. hahaha.. and boy, i like my mate already. it's this vampire mate quiz thing. neat!

Your mate is SEETH. The leader. His hair is medium
in length and jet black in color. He has
piercing violet eyes that make him
irresistible. He is very muscular. He is
dominant, sarcastic, and very sadistic. He
enjoys teasing his mate. He is fairly
possessive, but refuses to admit it. His girl
has to be defiant and sarcastic, playful and
aggressive. He wants his girl to be a quick
thinker because with him as a mate, she'll need
to respond quickly. A strong girl would be
excellent for him, some one who can take and
enjoy fair amounts of pain. He loves
domineering women because he loves challenges.
Seeth is a Scorpio from Romania. He is the
eldest and strongest of the group. Seeth's red
and black feathered wings are usually withdrawn
into his back for he has no use for them except
for flight. He is sly and sneaky and can coax
you into anything he wants to. He has a tattoo
of a black scorpion on his hip close to his
thigh area. If you are on his good side, he can
be your best friend, however, if on his bad
side, he is not a force to be reckoned with. He
is dangerous and deadly to EVERYTHING that
stands in his way. Seeth's animal form is that
of a midnight black fox. As long as you love
and continue to defy him, he, in return, will
love his mate. He will never break your heart
and stand by you for all eternity.

Which'>http://quizilla.com/users/Amayaslostdreams/quizzes/Which%20Of%20MY%20Vampires%20Is%20Your%20Mate%3F/">Which Of MY Vampires Is Your Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:23 am.

Friday, November 11, 2005

yada yada yada.. mumsie's nagging. AS USUAL. but i'm having a ball of a time talking with my two favourite gurlies; rynetta and xanne. it's really nice talking and crapping, fooling around and well, just basically carry out a fun and interesting or at least, decent conversation.

which sadly enough, is not what a and i can't do anymore. awkwardness would not be found in any of our conversations which is good but the point here is... we can't carry on the good ol' lengthy, fun, crappy and interesting conversations we shared before. it's kinda saddening as we used to have such...hmm...shan't use the word chemisty but maybe...momentum? the momentum that keeps our conversations pumping with fresh topics, fresh ideas with interesting tidbits. i can say one thing's for sure. those times were really fab. but i suppose all that has past was inevitable after so much happenings.

as much as we try hard, or maybe not so hard (i'll never know), but our conversations simply don't flow anymore. it's as though someone built a dam and stopped our conversation from flowing. the meagre amount of conversation that managed to seep out from the dam is simply not enough to quench the thirst of a thirsty person like me.

oh well.. it can't be helped. and here's somemore quizs results. haha.. xanne's got me into these quizs. it's interesting. and to my dear evil twin rynetta; have all the luck in the world with ur blogskin!

posts of my quizs results:

HASH(0x8d22824)

Classy dress

HOW WOULD YOUR PROM DRESS LOOK LIKE? -11 different outcomes-
brought to you by Quizilla

lol.. the prom dress quiz was a lil' bit crappy. i got the elegant dress yesterday and i've got the classy dress today. oh wells. nvm. here's the next one at the bottom...

Water

Water. Your calm and passive surface is an
illusion, with your true personality surging
just beneath the surface.
Personality: Because your first impression on
people is so polished, you can come off shy or
withdrawn. But you just need the right people
or circumstances and you are more than willing
to show your true personality. However, waiting
for the right people to open up to is a
double-edged sword. Yes you're playing it cool,
but it also can mean that you're waiting to see
if the person is good enough to be your friend.
Your tendancy towards playing it cool leads you
to be a bit more concerned with how you appear
than the other elements. You can come off a
little self-centered and picky, but this also
means that you just want the best life has to
offer and because you're selective with
friends, it means you can share what you have
without being taken advantage of.
Temper: It doesn't take much to get you stirred up;
your temper is quick and decisive. But because
you can use your anger so fast and so easily,
it almost never builds up enough power to be
truly destructive or vengeful. If you ever get
truly angry, though, it will be perfectly
justified, however it also means you can often
over-react to the small things.
The Other Elements:Fire: Your elemental opposite. Because you'd rather
get to know others before letting them know
you, Fire's often "brutal" honesty
can grate in your teeth. A relationship with
Fire should be entered cautiously as you can
easily destroy each other. But because you are
opposites, if you can get past the initial
friction, you will find that your personalities
are complimentary. If you're both willing to
lay the difficult groundwork, Fire will be one
of your most powerful and rewarding
relationships.Wind: Your elemental equal. You have a lot in
common with Wind which makes for smooth and
quickly built relationships. Wind and Water are
a force to be reckoned with when working
together. But because it comes so easily, you
sometimes forget that all relationships require
effort. If not maintained, relations with Wind
can easily become superficial and short-lived.Earth: Not your equal but not your opposite. Like a
relationship with those of your own element,
relationships with Earth are often hit-or-miss.
You'll get along well with some and horribly
with others. Earth is much more bold (and
stubborn) than its opposite, the passive and
calm Wind. Their strong personalities, however,
make them very similar to the self-aware Fire.
Trust your instincts, because in the end, the
success or failure with Earth simply depends on
whether or not you actually like the person.

Which Element Are You? (w/pictures and VERY in-depth answers)
brought to you by

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:25 pm.

yeay! i love my cake. doesn't this cake look gorgeous? it's almost too good to eat! it's such a pretty and romantic cake! chocolatey and strawberries, it's definitely set up for romance. and see those pretty little yellow and pink dots with the silky purple ribbon, it's so pretty!!! definitely a girly-girly cake. my type. haha.. though i can be pretty kick-ass, a girl would always be a girl. she has the effeminine side of her. :) check it out. also, twins would always be twins. haha.. rynetta got the same cake. (: i'm drooooling...

HASH(0x8da6014)

you have a formal birhtday cake!! You are very
sophisticated and intelligent. You have good
manners and act older than you are.But
sometimes you let yourself loose sometimes.

What does your ultimate birthday cake look like?
brought to you by Quizilla

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:33 pm.

break

it's the weekends at last! TGIF; Thank God It's Friday! haha.. at least there's some time to blog in a lengthier entree. i think i have gotten quite fascinated with the quizs at quizilla. the princess-type quizs are especially nice if you asked for my opinion. haha.. but it is also linked to the fact that i liked the results of the quizs. not all, but well.. some are quite satisfactory but nevertheless, some are pure crap.

and yea! they even have quizs on prom dresses and wedding gowns!!! haha.. i suppose they simply appeal to the girlish side of me. anyhow, prom is nearing but i haven't have had the time to prepare for prom; choose a dress, shoes and accessories, book makeup cum hairstyling sessions, decide on transportation etc. gawd. it's sounds intimidating already. too overwhelming if you asked me. yx says she's not going to go to the prom though it means forfeiting the full amount which she paid. ahhh.. sighs. one bestie down that's not going to go. just when all of us are going, including ah gong.

what on earth am i going to do with all those preparations?! trust me, i seriously haven't got a clue and with the o levels examinations, i can assure you that i can't do anything about it either. even if i wanted to, the books would be glaring at me; waiting for me to open them and start studying, or the books would look at me; willing me to open them up and i'd feel all so guilty, or mumsie and daddy would have my head in the gallows first..

oh wells. all of a sudden, prom has lost its appeal to me.

is it a good or bad thing? i try asking myself that many a times but to no avail, i ain't getting any answer no matter how i squeeze my brain dry like the sponge with has lost all of the water soaked inside. it didn't help that my brain was helping me today either..

hmm.. another of the phrases that i'm going to use for the ehhh...one gazillionth time? HOW DUMB CAN I GET? to put it simply, i do not understand myself at all. when all the others, the normal people with average or higher than average or even the mega-high IQ people did their elementary mathematics paper 2 today, i think they knew that they were only supposed to do 1 Qn from section B when it's the Either/Or question.

yesss!!! only me! i didn't know. (groans) i did both and handed in both. it wasn't until we were dismissed and dajie was walking beside me when she asked me which question I chose for Section B. you can jolly well imagine my shock and surprise when she said that. my face then, is a good testimony of that, i can assure you! i went totally blank and was like HUH? Was there even a section where you choose to do only 1 question?!! boy, didn't i feel like a complete idiot there and then. (grimaces)

moreover, when i got home, i was trying to cram for my next paper which was english literature. would anyone be surprised if i said i have never read the book? so far so good. i managed to hang onto the raft of eng. lit without jumping off the cliff thus far. to be honest, i think i would much rather jump off the cliff than to read the book unless, of course, someone who paid me a billion bucks to read it. :) hehh..

i managed to get past the first few pages which was mostly the introduction before reaching the first page of the story, and i landed up in bed. SLEEPING. hmm.. probably it accounts for why i'm not doing well for eng. lit. or rather, it was because of our teacher? i can't be sure. it is probably an all-the-factors-are-interlinked kind of thing. unless i'm prepared to do another eng.lit essay again, i don't think i'd ever know which is the MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR that caused my dismal grade in eng.lit. it's like weighing the impact/influence each factor has which inevitably or not, contributed to the result.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 7:23 pm.

yet another quiz

youre the raven fairy, always associating the world
with death you like being alone but do have a
caring side as well

What kind of fairy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 5:03 pm.

QuizFun cont'd

Thursday, November 10, 2005

right. i think my blog doesn't like me or something but anyhow, couldn't figure out why it turned out this way. the analysis to the last quiz and what i ended off wasn't there. urghh. frustrations frustrations frustrations. i'd better get down on my ass and starting practising my math. i can't afford to not do well. oh well.. guess i've said this a million times already. really, it's almost a routine to me!!! waddya expect? inheritance y'know.

anyway this is the analysis to the last quiz:

The Warrior Form! you are a deadly angel, a gothic type but also a soft side inside. you can kick anyone/things butts anytime!! bring it on!

And if you would like to leave a comment on my blog, just tag on my tagboard. thank you. :)

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:08 pm.

QuizFun

haha.. i've done a lot of changes around here but i still can't figure out any way to incorporate the comments section here. anyhow, i love some of these quizs!!! gonna post it here. i find it quite nice. anyhow, i think i would not be posting any long entrees for now. at least when i'm not pissed or feeling weirdly about something. i tend to get quite carried off and waste a lot of time. oh well. i need to study. i suppose...

HASH(0x8b5f760)

The Noble Princess
You are just and fair, a perfectionist with a
strong sense of proper decorum. You are very
attracted to chivalry, ceremony and dignity.
For the most part you are rather sensible, but
you are also very idealistic.
Role Models: Guinevere, Princess Fiona (of Shrek)
You are most likely to: Get kidnapped by a stray
dragon.

The Warrior Form! you are a deadly angel, a gothic
type but also a soft side inside. you can kick
anyone/things butts anytime!! bring it on!

haha.. and apparently my goth name is lady lilth? but i think i liked the guys' names better. anyway, if anyone wants to leave comments on my blog, just tag my tagboard. thank you. :)

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:37 pm.

MyCompositions: Marriage

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Marriage has always been regarded as the sacred sacrimony between two individuals as they take their vows and pledge their everlasting love and eternal commitment to one another. However, as our ever-changing society march into the future, the meaning of what used to be; marriage, took an entirely different meaning altogether.

Divorce cases pile the desks of lawyers and many law firms specializing in domestic law; mostly dealing with divorce cases, popped up all over the world just like a serious case of an adolescent's hormonal breakout of pimples. While many are profiteering at this trade, it caters to the growing demands of the people. So what does this speak of marriage? It seems as though marriage has just became a passing relationship where a divorce comes into handy when either or both parties get bored with the arrangement of marriage.

Though many has long since became jaded to the prospect of marriage, the girlish fantasy of getting married has never left me. This fantasy took the form of being decked out in a silky white wedding gown, with opulent gems taking their places, decorating my ears, neck and delicate wrists.

However, as I reflect on my thoughts, I doubt my motives of getting married. I wonder if it is just another girly hobby of playing dress-up instead. Marriage was never about dressing up or getting married lavishly.

Vain. Humans are vain, and I, am not ashamed to admit it. We do not favour ugly or even simple things. We like to package things so that they would be pleasing to the eyes. That is how marriage got involved in the packaging I suppose. Maybe that is why we are facing so much pollution as well.

Maybe that is why I always see the irony of marriage. What is the point of getting married lavishly just to end up squabbling in the lawyer's office after a few months, or if not, a few years later? The idea of the handsome groom awaiting his bride anxiously, while the blushing bride showcased in a virginal white gown walk down the aisle, to enter the next chapter of her life at the marriage altar just to end up hating and divorcing one another later on, simply fills me with irony.

I would much rather marry in rags, commit into marriage, to enjoy conjugal bliss.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 4:02 pm.

genes

daddy came in nagging. AGAIN. he practically stared at the conversation windows flashing signals when people send their replies in. as if the eyes could will the computer to auto-shutdown or something. can not stand it. parents are 1) very naggy, 2) very contradictory, 3) very demeaning, 4) very sarcastic and 5) very fickle. you never know what they are trying to say or what they truly mean at the end of the days. their minds change as fast as the jackpot slot machines when they go ching!ching!

but i am their daughter for some sadistic reason; i seem to have inherited some of this particular traits from them. though they are less than desirable, i can't change my DNA!!!

right. now that there's one guy irritating the hell out of me, i'll try to keep this short so that i will go offline soon. just want to complete my entree.. :) there isn't anyone that i want to talk to online now. xanne is ehhh..dunno where. hubbs; not here either. yx and sammie; oh well. nvm. dunno when they would ever be online, and sammie doesn't have msn!!! rynetta is off bathing and HE is off too.

seriously, he knows. he ALWAYS do. no matter what i write, he never fails to get the message though he seems to feign indifference about it. gawd. boys. men. nothing but trouble. the root of all women's troubles is MEN. directly or indirectly otherwise. got the quote somewhere but i can't really remember the exact location. i'm not infringing copyright laws! it's only like 0.0000001% of the entire content of the book? haha. anyhow, yes. I MADE UP MY MIND. no more liking him. EVER. though i said the same thing the last time, the feeling sorta creep up to me again. but this is the last straw. no means no. never. ever. there's this gurl who is like totally oh-so-compatible to him and she seems really cool as well. moreover, i REALLY REALLY do think they have a mutual liking between them or something; no matter how much he says it's a one-sided thing.

God tell me why i gave him my blog add for. he's the only one of my friends that i gave the blog add to. it is totally against the idea of having an unknown-to-people-i-know blog though the novelty of having it is still here. ahhh!!! goodness gracious knows why i lost my head and gave it to him. see, what does all these sum up to? GENES. i'm all so contradictory and fickle in my decisions. why can't i inherit all those mathematical and science-y DNA from my parents??!! why did i inherit all the rubbish DNA instead? hairy as a monkey, short and stout as a kettlepot, a foodie and the list just goes on and on.

and wow!
am i lucky or what?!
phew.
he just missed seeing all i've written so far. thank goodness i took so long in posting this entree. thanking my lucky stars. (get off my blog..get off my blog) do you think karma would work? i am willing him to get off my blog now so that i can post this entree now!!! i'd better blog in another million entrees or so. otherwise anybody and everybody would be able to read my entire blog's entrees!! ha! yet another resolution made. :) better get cracking on it soon. arghh. (get off my blog...) i need to get off soon if i don't want to risk my neck. i still need my head for my exams tomorrow. otherwise how am i to see and read the questions? i can't turn up with a headless body with blood flowing out like some leaky water fountain!!! hmm.. i can use my blood as ink but i still need my head to see what to write! oops. hahaha.. another sign of crappiness seeping into this entree. better stop boring everybody now. cheerios.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 12:31 am.