ruling party: IJC 0611C
Saturday, January 28, 2006
I LOVE O611C! it's the best class ever! i don't care what others say, but it has the most fun and happening people around. =) today was super hectic but it is extremely fulfilling cause it's like every second is valued and made use of. we made use of the time to the maximum. going to school early in the morning certainly didn't help to un-zombify me whilst msg-ing all the way to school meant that i lost any chance of ill-gotten sleep. reached school super early and sat with afiq cause he came early to hand in GP hw. i've never really talked to him before and first impression lead me to think him as reserved and a bit anti so it came as quite a shock to really find him otherwise. hahaha.. the girls were right when they said he's super funny! the guys in class are very easy to talk to and have a great laugh! so there we were, talking till peiyu reached to school cause she had the order form. but for the record, i've been recording the stuffs. lol. long story.. but i had loads of fun!
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:21 am.
spiral
Monday, January 23, 2006
victoria's secrets fashion show ended sometime ago. was watching it till it ended and i noticed something stupid. the nature of men is well-known by women and men alike so it is quite impossible for men to get turned on at the sight of so many famous and non-famous supermodels; clad in nothing but lingerie. tantalising and possibly quite erotic lingerie. ricky martin was one of the guest stars who performed while the likes of usher was down in the audience with the cameras occasionally rolling in to grace his face.anyway, ricky martin was flanked with an entire group of dancing lingerie models; brushing their booty against his body. strangely enough, the camera lingered at his lower half of the body which lead me into thinking. what kind of emotions could he possibly be feeling now? he is now the envy of most men (i shan't stereotype) but surely he would FEEL something. however, that wasn't all. another model or co-singer sidled up to him and boy, weren't they close! they were grinding up against one another, humping one another occasionally, gazing at one another passionately before he tried kissing her discreetly and quickly. unfortunately, the camera caught it and the entire world saw it. it took him a few split seconds to recover after she left him to continue singing, but one could tell there was something going on.out of no where in particular, something lurched in my tummy. an increasing amount of bile threatened to confront the spaces of my mouth while i recognized that feeling. jealousy and loneliness. i was jealous that they had passion and love between them, no matter how open or discreet they were about their relationship. loneliness because it reminded me of how empty i feel nowasdays. i think things can not get any worse.i was taking the train home today (typical of any other day) when i crashed into the peak hour rush. it was a tight squeeze with people pushing me from the back and the methaphor; packed like sardines, could never describe that situation any better. my hands were laden with my dropping bag and book but they were forced to remain by my sides 'cause it was impossible to lift my hands without outraging the modesty of female and male transitors alike. these days, one can never be sure of the sexuality of anyone so i thought i had better be careful. it wasn't till then when i finally looked up. in the midst of the sea of people, there was this army guy looking. strangely, i blushed. still, it wasn't until the train cleared a bit that i noticed him properly. i got put off at his tattoos but that wasn't the thing. as the train passed other stops, in one way or the other, we ended up standing one another. our skin brushed against one another ever so frequently that it was...i don't know. noticeable? there was this weird feeling like how his warm skin touched the coldness of mine. he was nothing but a mere stranger. it was just too weird and awkward that i shifted. i just didn't know how to react!even so, i don't know how to react to josh now. in simple terms, i have a weird way of behaving to guys i like/have a crush/infatuation/weird feelings for. either i become damn mean or sarcastic and keep pushing them away. i act as if i don't like them at all. it's in my second nature to do that despite all inclinations to do otherwise. i can ensure that this is not a prejudiced treatment to guys despite being a feminist at times. hey! i'm perfectly nice and sweet to guys okay! correction. i'm just perfectly nice and sweet to guys whom i have no feelings except friendship. argh. I'M STRANGE. josh is going to get sick of me in no time. no man can tolerate so many sarcastic jibes and hormonal mood swings from me. the highest record thus far is marcus but still........... lol. i'm beyond cure. i make life hell for everybody including myself. it is the part and parcel of female hormonal mood swings which is also why i feel so terrible now.gosh. i can't believe time is passing so fast. i'm so going to miss everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tears are threatening me everytime i think about it nowasdays. especially when i hear sad songs. i can't bear to tell some of them in fear that people give me special treatment; knowing that i am leaving. i don't want that. i want people to treat me like how they would treat me so that i can feel true feelings at its best. i don't want people treating me nice just because i'm leaving. that would be hypocrisy at best. the fondest memories come from the truest emotions from the heart. heart to heart, the heart can feel it all and remember it best. that's how i want it.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:21 pm.
empty spaces
Sunday, January 22, 2006
attempted to blog yesterday but it, obviously, didn't work. it seems like so much to blog, yet so little space to blog. awfully dumb to drag on and on about the yester year's detail when it has become so passe already. just to give a overhead view of what's going on, my life goes like this.aunt being a nosey-parker, parents giving me a hard time about my room, having a blast with jo, peiyu, xy and engchuan (watching memoirs of a geisha), planning the next movie outing so that khairee and co can also go, hanging out with mon and friends, spending a tonne of money plus undecided on what i feel for josh.more or less it's like that.i brought 100+ bucks today and i've nearly spent it all. there goes my allowance for this week and the past week or so. now i wouldn't have enough to go out till i get my next allowance. so sad! $15.50 on the extras at popular, $33 buying an assorted number of items, $25 on 3 pairs of shorts, $2 on a pair of earrings, $3.50 on mel's worms and lastly, $20 on sakae sushi cause it's yu hsiu's bday today so we were treating her. all in a day. i'm so broke now.nothing interested happened in the morning unless u counted daddy's scoldings in the early morning till everyone was ready to go to Jack's Place for mumsie's birthday celebratory lunch. the food was horrible so forget it. josh( my bro) wanted to go to town with me but ended up in a foul mood and decided not to go afterall. still, i went to cityhall to wait for mon and ended up shopping. finally, we decided to meet at somerset and there i met mon, agnes kwan, yee chian and the birthday gurl. funny enough, i've only got to know agnes kwan and yu hsiu today. yee chian was on monday i think. scgs girls are so much fun! oh wells. i've had fun hanging out with them. worming around in centrepoint before heading to monster for pool. found my nice shorts on the way and bought them before going to sakae at heeren.it was funny and crappy. we took ages to eat! we sat at the end of the conveyor belts so we were faced with mostly the red plates(most expensive) choices. still, we ordered from the a la carte menu cause yu hsiu wanted to eat the hotpot and mon; the salmon skin. hahaha.. i can never forget the crap we went through, faking about some project and mother calling when all we wanted to discuss was yu hsiu's birthday cake! seriously, i was so devoted to my task that i put off the urge to go pee just to distract her okay!!!!! lol. that was so uncalled for.we split the bill amongst us three cause we didn't want her to pay. hahaha. according to agnes' tradition, we were supposed to thrash yu hsiu with eggs, flour, oil or vegs. still, we were so nice. we didn't do that but forced her to finish the NYDC cake only. she claimed to be super full but all the same, we weren't ill-treating by making her finish it. wad's weird is that i hardly know her for more than 24 hours and i feel pal-ly with them already. it feels like i've known them for quite some time not a few hours!finally, fun didn't stop there even after we split up to go home. mon decided to take the train with me and boy, didn't another interesting and embarrassing story arise because of that! haha. shan't continue. too tired. good night.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:29 pm.
Friday, January 20, 2006
我的名字是黄淑仪。今年我将成了圣公会中学的旧学生而成了星烁初级学院的新学生。虽然其初不太习惯星烁初级学院的环境，我还是跟常人一样，照样尝试试映新的环境。在圣公会中学，大多数的学生们都会选择去淡马锡初级学院，维多利亚初级学院，Meridian初级学院或圣安德烈初级学院去修读A LEVEL 的课程。就这样，我便是圣公会中学唯一到星烁初级学院的学生。Woodlands这个地区对我而言；是个很默生的地方。因此，在我第一天来到星烁初级学院时，我迟到了四十五分钟。lao shi, hen bao qian dan she wo de dian nao mei you shi yong hua wen de xi tong suo yi bu neng ju xu le.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:17 am.
innova
blogging for the first time in ages. and it's chinese class. the first time in the com lab but it's freaking cold at that. everyone's eating in the lab, courtesy of joann's biscuits and some of the raspberry chocs. hahaha. a group of us are going to watch Memoirs of a Geisha later. hopefully we can get out of the CNY lantern-making or persuade eng chuan to make less lanterns. i think he's about the only one that knows how to make a remotely decent and sell-able lantern. but come on, who on earth is going to buy those lanterns anyway? it ain't as if this was Lantern Festival instead. besides, who in the right mind would pay a dollar just to guess the number of mandarin oranges the school collected? lol. it's more dumb than gambling 'cause this time, the numbers are going to be extremely difficult to guess unless one bribes the person in charge of counting the number of oranges.Grace has the fever and Melissa's not going. think Jo, Xy, Peiyu, Liping and the others are going. not so sure of the numbers yet. hmmm.. yet another first time. it's gonna be the first time i'm going to watch a movie at Causeway Point. so far, i've only been to Causeway Point for 2 times in my entire life prior to entry to Innova. the first time being on Valentine's Day when cammie, jon and i were there to poke fun at ricky. the second time being the occasion when xanne and i went there with no thanks to the idiot who told us of a supposedly "skate" shop when it turned out to be only XCraft which has only branches all over Singapore. lol. i need to buy some more shirts. otherwise i'm practically living in those 3 shirts in which one has a hole in the sleeve already.it's only a week to CNY and a week plus a few days before aussie. time flies so fast and i haven't even packed yet. my room's a mess and mumsie's being a grouch. thanks to daddy, mumsie's broke. dots. a woman should retain her independence too. reliance on a man to pay your bills is never good. people change with time and situations often have the predictability of a tsunami attack. having some savings is never a bad thing and i wish that men would be more fair to their counterparts like daddy for instance. i wish that he'd treat mumsie better.partly for selfish reasons, but it's for mumsie and my good. mumsie would feel happier about her prediacarment and not feel so resentful about daddy's flaws. in a way, this would lessen the burden she unconsciously puts on my back when she has no one to pour out her woes. moreover, i'd have to feel the financial pressure and the need to conserve which serves no purpose considering the way daddy and mumsie spend their money. frivoulously and extravagantly are the words that pop up in my mind. it feels so.......wasteful.anyhow, josh( not my bro) is going to melacca. we've made up from our petty fight and it feels pretty good to be on speaking terms again. we talked for the entire night till 3+ in the early morning. hahaha. he couldn't wake up and was wondering how i woke up religiously at 5am. hey, i've got to go to school okay!!! he doesn't have to, lucky dude. however, he's going back to brisbane on the 27th of feb. SO SADDDDDDDD!!! i'm in perth and he in brisbane. the distance apart is the equivalent of the distance from singapore to perth. much as i'd hate to admit it, i'm gonna miss him. miss him in brisbane and friends in singapore. only twinny is going to be in perth. still, i hate to leave Innova cause of the people here. lectures, tutorials and homework are a bore and dreary for me to go through everyday. yet, the ccas and people more than make up for these. hmmmm.. how i wish i can skip all the lectures etc but just go for ccas. goodness.don't be surprised at my next entry. i've got to blog in chinese. shucks. i've got to do it now.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:54 am.
mentallic
Sunday, January 15, 2006
i haven't been blogging for ages. whilst there were thoughts of totally abandoning this blog, i find myself self-consciously longing to blog when i haven't got a station to vent out all my inner frustrastions. twinny, if u haven't got fed up with my stagnant blog, here's something; i miss you loads! also....ps to twinny: i haven't figured out a way to do something about the tagboard. something about the cookies is deterring my progress. :(meng was terribly sweet yesterday. but it was too much for me till i was on the brink of tears. mon thought it was because i was sad but i was not. i was just too touched. too bad it was just all too late. maybe it would have worked if he said it all earlier. for old times' sake, maybe it would have. but ultimately, what could it have resulted to become? nothing i think. afterall, we lead our own lives and that he would probably go back to his own after persuading me to stay. it's no point sacrificing for old time's sakes but not the present.the words i have told him were a tad too harsh but everything came right from the bottom of my heart. the times i've had in the past 2 weeks in ijc are much more persuasive than the times i've had in the last 4 years in ahs. especially my sec 1 and 2 years. in fact, the memories then weren't even worth remembering that more or less, i've forgotten them. however, being the sentimental ass, the best of times still hovers like a mist in the back of my mind. while he claims it was the best time of his life and the only memories worth keeping in his entire 4 years, it certainly didn't appear like it to me. if our friendship is that worthwhile, it would not have landed up to the state it is today. he wouldn't even have found out through the mouth of hubbs whose in his class in tj. btw, sammie is in cindy's class in tj. lol. funny how the world works. coincidences happen all the time. still, i'm more or less convinced that it is no coincidence that our friendship hadn't work out. we never made the effort to keep the friendship afloat and betrayed trust in the years at ed have taught me to be wary of him; one of my best friends. it hurt and stang but still, i've survived.people think i'm cynical but experience showed me it was never wise to be on gullible and naive side. hear and think. don't listen. listen to only what you think. the choice is your own and no one else's. somehow, living the mistake feels so much better if you have made a mistake rather than someone making the mistake for you. the person doesn't have to bear the responsibility of the failed action but you. i feel like that about ijc. though i have got to wake up at 5am every morning to reach school, i feel so much happier doing so rather than waking up at 7am every morning to go to a school which i loathe simply and partly because i did not choose it.meng said i've matured but i don't know what to think. the entire conversation got into me. zoom. from the bored but still okay girl staring blankly at the com, i went straight to being the reclusive in a mental hospital. binge-ing returned. it always does when i'm in the dumps. i really do hope i have training tml. touch rugby is utterly smashing! just hope that the additional food gain wouldn't affect anything about my performance or running. i haven't been running in approximately a million years. waiting for the jurisdiction of humilation to befall on me on tuesday. yicks. it hurts but i've always put up a brave front so who would ever know? god knows. teresa has got me thinking about the true ways of christianity. she gave me the true meaning of being a christian. as for the rest of the girls, i have had a lot of fun with them. teresa's like a big sis, jo's totally cute, amanda's serene, xueyuan is intellectual and sporty, min ru is quiet, joo ting is great to talk to and peiyu too! the rest like valerie, the 2 melissa-s, khairy, lisda etc are really fun to be with. the guys aren't bad too. khailun and khairee makes me laugh like shit the first time i talked to them and shaowen's a mr nice guy too. though the way i got to know shaowen was super funny (we didn't know each other though we were in the same OG and thought one another skipped the 4 days of orientation when we found out we were from Apsaroke!), he still makes a good friend. i've felt more at home there than anywhere else in anglican.it kinda made me feel good about being a lone ranger in ij. afterall, i'm the only one from ahs in ij. oh wells. going off. chem project to do. canoeing on wed. praying that it wouldn't be like xanne's experience in sa. i think i probably won't be able to survive it.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 6:52 pm.
twinny's leaving...
Sunday, January 01, 2006
i know it has been aeeons since i have last blogged but all of a sudden, i felt like blogging a millisecond ago. i know that i have found another so-called blog or rather, another diary in the form of a notebook. that, it is reserved for my eyes only. there; i can pen down my innermost thoughts and feelings without the person in question reading it or asking me about it. so now one can see why it's not questionable as to why i'm reluctant to blog. i have got a million and one questions that i want to ask, things i want to know but i can't voice it out. anyhow, it is all over. the New Year has come and the day marking this New Year is almost gone. i haven't really celebrated the New Year but there was a party today. it is coincidental that Caleb's post-birthday party should fall on the same day as the New Year. he is a 30 December baby.speaking of which, today marks the day before twinny leaves for australia. i'm really going to miss her. loads. since i have known her, i've come to rely on her for my mental happiness. it seems odd that my secondary friends aren't as close as i've become with her despite knowing her for such a short time. i confess, we haven't been as close as we had a month ago. it was not her fault but mine. i was feeling very anti-social then and i did not want to talk to anyone in particular. all i wanted to do was to clam up and i still do. except with a few people. oh well. i don't think i'd miss my secondary friends as much as i would miss her. maybe except xanne. lol. and to think i thought i'd miss my secondary friends a lot. i have had a new relevance. the only few people i have really missed a whole lot from school are xanne, mrs G, mr chan and...... i can't think of anyone else. otherwise, i'd also miss mon and yea. who else? i can't think of anymore names.incidentally, my mood is reflected in the song i'm listening to. i'm listening to No Secrets: I'll Remember You. it reflects what i feel now that twinny is leaving. also that in a month's time, it'd be my turn. i'd definitely remember my friends here. but that is not all. just today alone, i felt and realized more things than i've ever had in a few days. it is a lot to mention here but it shall be kept in my heart for always. i have no doubt that i'd love these people forever and i pray that they would too.. shucks. i feel like crying all over again.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:56 pm.
