Works are by yours truly; Annsley.
Take it or LEAVE it. Love it then STAY.
NOW PLAYING : XXXX by XXXX
spiral
Monday, January 23, 2006
victoria's secrets fashion show ended sometime ago. was watching it till it ended and i noticed something stupid. the nature of men is well-known by women and men alike so it is quite impossible for men to get turned on at the sight of so many famous and non-famous supermodels; clad in nothing but lingerie. tantalising and possibly quite erotic lingerie. ricky martin was one of the guest stars who performed while the likes of usher was down in the audience with the cameras occasionally rolling in to grace his face.
anyway, ricky martin was flanked with an entire group of dancing lingerie models; brushing their booty against his body. strangely enough, the camera lingered at his lower half of the body which lead me into thinking. what kind of emotions could he possibly be feeling now? he is now the envy of most men (i shan't stereotype) but surely he would FEEL something. however, that wasn't all. another model or co-singer sidled up to him and boy, weren't they close! they were grinding up against one another, humping one another occasionally, gazing at one another passionately before he tried kissing her discreetly and quickly. unfortunately, the camera caught it and the entire world saw it. it took him a few split seconds to recover after she left him to continue singing, but one could tell there was something going on.
out of no where in particular, something lurched in my tummy. an increasing amount of bile threatened to confront the spaces of my mouth while i recognized that feeling. jealousy and loneliness. i was jealous that they had passion and love between them, no matter how open or discreet they were about their relationship. loneliness because it reminded me of how empty i feel nowasdays. i think things can not get any worse.
i was taking the train home today (typical of any other day) when i crashed into the peak hour rush. it was a tight squeeze with people pushing me from the back and the methaphor; packed like sardines, could never describe that situation any better. my hands were laden with my dropping bag and book but they were forced to remain by my sides 'cause it was impossible to lift my hands without outraging the modesty of female and male transitors alike. these days, one can never be sure of the sexuality of anyone so i thought i had better be careful. it wasn't till then when i finally looked up. in the midst of the sea of people, there was this army guy looking. strangely, i blushed. still, it wasn't until the train cleared a bit that i noticed him properly. i got put off at his tattoos but that wasn't the thing. as the train passed other stops, in one way or the other, we ended up standing one another. our skin brushed against one another ever so frequently that it was...i don't know. noticeable? there was this weird feeling like how his warm skin touched the coldness of mine. he was nothing but a mere stranger. it was just too weird and awkward that i shifted. i just didn't know how to react!
even so, i don't know how to react to josh now. in simple terms, i have a weird way of behaving to guys i like/have a crush/infatuation/weird feelings for. either i become damn mean or sarcastic and keep pushing them away. i act as if i don't like them at all. it's in my second nature to do that despite all inclinations to do otherwise. i can ensure that this is not a prejudiced treatment to guys despite being a feminist at times. hey! i'm perfectly nice and sweet to guys okay! correction. i'm just perfectly nice and sweet to guys whom i have no feelings except friendship. argh. I'M STRANGE. josh is going to get sick of me in no time. no man can tolerate so many sarcastic jibes and hormonal mood swings from me. the highest record thus far is marcus but still........... lol. i'm beyond cure. i make life hell for everybody including myself. it is the part and parcel of female hormonal mood swings which is also why i feel so terrible now.
gosh. i can't believe time is passing so fast. i'm so going to miss everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tears are threatening me everytime i think about it nowasdays. especially when i hear sad songs. i can't bear to tell some of them in fear that people give me special treatment; knowing that i am leaving. i don't want that. i want people to treat me like how they would treat me so that i can feel true feelings at its best. i don't want people treating me nice just because i'm leaving. that would be hypocrisy at best. the fondest memories come from the truest emotions from the heart. heart to heart, the heart can feel it all and remember it best. that's how i want it.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:21 pm.
Prelude
Annsley's words.
She tried to fall in love but failed.
She learned everything the hard way.
To be on top, you must sacrifice.
She's alone.
Putting distance between people and herself.
She's losing everyone.
Hell of a complicated girl.
Profile
A N N S L E Y there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I can't help it..
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so I call the shots. Leave if you hate it.
announcements;p
