Works are by yours truly; Annsley.
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Sunday, January 15, 2006
i haven't been blogging for ages. whilst there were thoughts of totally abandoning this blog, i find myself self-consciously longing to blog when i haven't got a station to vent out all my inner frustrastions. twinny, if u haven't got fed up with my stagnant blog, here's something; i miss you loads! also....
ps to twinny: i haven't figured out a way to do something about the tagboard. something about the cookies is deterring my progress. :(
meng was terribly sweet yesterday. but it was too much for me till i was on the brink of tears. mon thought it was because i was sad but i was not. i was just too touched. too bad it was just all too late. maybe it would have worked if he said it all earlier. for old times' sake, maybe it would have. but ultimately, what could it have resulted to become? nothing i think. afterall, we lead our own lives and that he would probably go back to his own after persuading me to stay. it's no point sacrificing for old time's sakes but not the present.
the words i have told him were a tad too harsh but everything came right from the bottom of my heart. the times i've had in the past 2 weeks in ijc are much more persuasive than the times i've had in the last 4 years in ahs. especially my sec 1 and 2 years. in fact, the memories then weren't even worth remembering that more or less, i've forgotten them. however, being the sentimental ass, the best of times still hovers like a mist in the back of my mind. while he claims it was the best time of his life and the only memories worth keeping in his entire 4 years, it certainly didn't appear like it to me. if our friendship is that worthwhile, it would not have landed up to the state it is today. he wouldn't even have found out through the mouth of hubbs whose in his class in tj. btw, sammie is in cindy's class in tj. lol. funny how the world works. coincidences happen all the time. still, i'm more or less convinced that it is no coincidence that our friendship hadn't work out. we never made the effort to keep the friendship afloat and betrayed trust in the years at ed have taught me to be wary of him; one of my best friends. it hurt and stang but still, i've survived.
people think i'm cynical but experience showed me it was never wise to be on gullible and naive side. hear and think. don't listen. listen to only what you think. the choice is your own and no one else's. somehow, living the mistake feels so much better if you have made a mistake rather than someone making the mistake for you. the person doesn't have to bear the responsibility of the failed action but you. i feel like that about ijc. though i have got to wake up at 5am every morning to reach school, i feel so much happier doing so rather than waking up at 7am every morning to go to a school which i loathe simply and partly because i did not choose it.
meng said i've matured but i don't know what to think. the entire conversation got into me. zoom. from the bored but still okay girl staring blankly at the com, i went straight to being the reclusive in a mental hospital. binge-ing returned. it always does when i'm in the dumps. i really do hope i have training tml. touch rugby is utterly smashing! just hope that the additional food gain wouldn't affect anything about my performance or running. i haven't been running in approximately a million years. waiting for the jurisdiction of humilation to befall on me on tuesday. yicks. it hurts but i've always put up a brave front so who would ever know? god knows. teresa has got me thinking about the true ways of christianity. she gave me the true meaning of being a christian. as for the rest of the girls, i have had a lot of fun with them. teresa's like a big sis, jo's totally cute, amanda's serene, xueyuan is intellectual and sporty, min ru is quiet, joo ting is great to talk to and peiyu too! the rest like valerie, the 2 melissa-s, khairy, lisda etc are really fun to be with. the guys aren't bad too. khailun and khairee makes me laugh like shit the first time i talked to them and shaowen's a mr nice guy too. though the way i got to know shaowen was super funny (we didn't know each other though we were in the same OG and thought one another skipped the 4 days of orientation when we found out we were from Apsaroke!), he still makes a good friend. i've felt more at home there than anywhere else in anglican.
it kinda made me feel good about being a lone ranger in ij. afterall, i'm the only one from ahs in ij. oh wells. going off. chem project to do. canoeing on wed. praying that it wouldn't be like xanne's experience in sa. i think i probably won't be able to survive it.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 6:52 pm.
Prelude
Annsley's words.
She tried to fall in love but failed.
She learned everything the hard way.
To be on top, you must sacrifice.
She's alone.
Putting distance between people and herself.
She's losing everyone.
Hell of a complicated girl.
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A N N S L E Y there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I can't help it..
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
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