Works are by yours truly; Annsley.
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green envy
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
after the measly 3 hours of ill-gotten sleep i had on the plane, no one would have thought i would still be awake. even until now, i stand in awe in my prowess of not needing sleep. my mind runs on the track of unreasonable and wild. i don't know why i'm feeling so lousy and miserable now. envy? jealousy? everyone is losing weight or is so damned skinny that i wonder how they lose weight, maintain their weight or remain skinny. why i just can't achieve the same? i look at every pictures and i stare at the person in the picture, wondering who's the swelled up fat blimp. there is this slight resemblance to me but somehow, there's this corner of my mind that denies the connection. hell. 5kgs. it'd take ages plus a lot of discipline to get rid of. besides, i need to lose like what, 20kgs? a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips. sighs. i just want the super high metabolism that allows me to eat all i want without gaining weight.
argh. I CAN'T SLEEP. this weight-gain issue is making me so nutty that my body is refusing sleep; wishing that what i saw was a hallucination on the part due to lack of sleep. denial. serious denial. hey, how do people eat and not gain? no matter what i do, every morsel of food adds a tonne onto the scales.
lol. i'm jealous of every single thing now. pathetic. this is how laughable i have morphed into. it is my fault and no other's that i have become the person i am today. it is not others' faults that they can write better than me because they practise or read more than i do. yet, i'm wasting my time away, refusing to propel my skills to greater heights and i'm getting jealous over their writing cum langauge prowess. i'm getting lazier by the day, eating the whales out of the seas and yet i'm getting jealous because others are losing weight or they remain skinny. just what is wrong with me? am i getting so apathetic that i don't know how to turn back? i don't know. part of me just want to wallow in my self-misery while the other part wants to be the determined and disciplined. oh wells. i'll try the latter but i hope my body co-operates.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:05 am.
Prelude
Annsley's words.
She tried to fall in love but failed.
She learned everything the hard way.
To be on top, you must sacrifice.
She's alone.
Putting distance between people and herself.
She's losing everyone.
Hell of a complicated girl.
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A N N S L E Y there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I can't help it..
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
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