SUNDRY: reflections

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

i enjoy reading. in fact, reading is almost a part of my life. newspapers, magazines, books, whatever. i read them. so i went reading blogs. in fact, they made interesting reading. one website i am very intrigued in is the journal archive called GIRL: a page by alex. from the blog i went before i got linked to this archive, apparently the author is a very famous person who has to keep up her, thus, famous journal archive.

it is funny how people interpret things. still, i find it great to keep an open mind with regards to any matter. it lets me see the different perspective of every matter you see. it's like opening my eyes to help me see more. as i reflect upon her journal entry, (which is why i call this entree reflections), i was very impressed. not only by her good writing and interesting keepup of ideas with opinions injected in each entree, but the depth of her analogy.

she is persuasive in her writing that even as i was pigging out on my tub of ben&jerry's butter pecan and cherry garcia which, (okay, i'm digressing a bit), it takes my mind off my thoughts. 'cause eating while reading my storybook, it preoccupies my mind. what's with the mind being transported into the setting of the book, and consuming food which incidentally uses most of the oxygen in the body to digest it, which leads to the brain not having enough oxygen to think as efficiently during normal times. and thus, it means that our brain cannot multi-task more than that! ha!

right. and back to the main point... errr... yea. i found myself thinking about what she wrote and reflected about myself upon her words. (quite amazing huh? my brain can multi-task that much!) anyway, is it a crime to lift part of her blog entree here? it's really interesting; food for thought. but i don't want to be accused of infringing copyright laws as well. so tell me if it is.

Adapted from Girl: a page by alex
It's strange to me how a lot of people who write and read personal blogs do so religiously - almost obsessively - and tend to assume that everyone does it, knows about it, participates in it, too. These people tend to forget there's a whole world out there that doesn't know blogspot.com or what's going around or who they newest it person is. Some people feel that if they don't record their experience on their blog it didn't really happen and others feel if they don't comment on those experiences they'll never get noticed. People and things tend get blown way out of proportion in blogs and blogging life. Some minions hitting a site several times a day can make some blog creators feel like rock stars and then the whole slippery slope starts there.

It's not bitterness that drives this post, honestly, though I understand some people will think so or think this a rant just because it's not filled with something uplifting, personal or cute. And when a post lacks those things it's often met with anger, hostility, and desertion - another things that's a little sad about the online world as of late. Sometimes one just has to make statements based on observations that have no personal feeling involved (I'm neither upset, angry, bitter nor happy about it. It just is what it is). After 10 years of writing on a personal web site, I've seen changes happen and the whole personal web evolve. And what itâ€™s evolved into is something I just donâ€™t really care too much for at the moment.

In fact, I tend to think personal blogging has become more like reality TV - it started off real, with good intentions, shedding light in areas never seen before but now it's all scripted, managed and carefully created to maintain an image, popularity and standing. Everyone wants to be liked, measures their worth by comments and emails and if they said the latest thing that gets people talking.

It's my strong belief that one can't really connect online nor can one find answers to how to really lead a life. To find the answer, the direction one must go is offline and just live within themselves for awhile, without trying to figure out how to write it for others or how to respond to their favourite so they can be in the clique too. One must go offline and just experience - live, try, do, with the only worry being how they feel at the end of the day - not how they can blog about it. And one can't find answers just by reading self-help web sites or by reading others having experiences - vicarious living is not living. No one has your answers.

"If it be knowledge or wisdom one is seeking, then one had better go direct to the source. And the source is not the scholar or philosopher, not the master, saint or teacher, but life itself -- direct experience of life." -Henry Miller, Books in My Life

it was really fascinating. i haven't read all of the archives. just a few to know that i'm interested in reading the previous ones. it's going to be a long read, but i kinda like the idea of it. the more GOOD reading material, the better. it's simply loathesome to read rubbish.

i was kinda swayed by her words. i began thinking if i was doing the same, and if i should stop writing or just simply write lesser. it bothered me a bit, if i was as "fake" as those who were writing to keep up an image or popularity. at first i thought i did. especially how i felt after reading the comments that people do like reading my blog with then tallies up with the "feel like rock stars" phrase. but as i question my intentions deeper, i realised that:

1. people feel differently regarding different matters
mine not being a popular blog, i do not have a readership to keep up. hence, that's no popularity to keep up with. and i think my brain is seriously too hyperactive in the emotions department. i simply think too much that i'd drive myself crazy thinking. writing in my blog helps me to analyse the situation more clearly and gives me an outlet for expressing myself whilst letting go of all the emotions dying to explode within the core of my soul.

2. i should not have let other's comments affect me or sway my thoughts
i'm trying to be independent. not only physically but mentally as well. i should not have let it lead me in thinking to stop writing in my blog. that would be the equivalent of being a no-brainer (no mind to think for his/her own). it is not that i'm trying to be rebellious or what, but i think i should stick up for what i want (within reasonable boundaries of course). i'm sensible enough not to ask for stars and mountains.

♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:08 pm.