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realisation
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
there is so much more in one person. occasionally we think we know a lot about one person, or we think we know a lot about ourselves. somehow, people might just see more to that. debates like: i'm myself. therefore i should know myself best. the art of disguisement would conceal or fake an innate characteristic of me. true. i do not deny that possibility but often, i feel that some people are just biased in their opinions of themselves. eg, egoistic people and inconfident people.
anyhow, we can not see things the way it is entirely. not even based on feedback given by many other people. all we get is the "truth" closest to the actual thing. even for history. fictious books or fictious textbooks and encyclopedias, people think it is the actual truth but sad to say, it is the only conclusion that humans can make out, closest to the actual thing. people can never cover the entire details but just make do with most of the details.
and do you realise that textbooks and encyclopedias vary too? the americans textbooks and japanese textbooks on history of World War II, differed so much, that it created a major hoo-ha on the international scale.
but this is not what i wanted to say. what i wanted to say was that i was quite surprised i managed to study for 4 hours straight today. it was quite an achievement if you asked me. some might manage this easily or perhaps do even more, but for me, it's way beyond my expectations that i realized there was more to me than what i thought i knew of myself.
admittedly, it was a 4hr study session with a lot of breaks in between, with toilet breaks, buying food and talking abt ppl, jokes and stuff. still, it was mostly studying that occupied the time. i was fidgety on many occasions, thank goodness xanne and her friend alex could stand me. it has been more than 1 year since i last saw him and i think he has changed a lot. appearance wise of course. i didn't know him very well or well enough to know if he changed inwardly. (shrugs) gotta ask xanne about that though. still, i didn't know he could look THAT good. sounds mean but well, that's the truth. i didn't know.
anyway, this was the first time i managed to get in a decent amount of studying whilst studying with others. past experiences only led my friends and i into having food fests and yakking sessions without any significant progress in studying which inevitably disheartened any future thoughts of having studying sessions with friends. hahaha. i think torrie feels that way too. she daren't go studying with me anymore. (laughs) i can never sit still for a long period of time. even today was no exception. i kept fidgeting, looking at the Coffee Bean ornaments, talking... my attention span is just so short.
i recall being quite mad during that time. mad as in the crazy kind of course. math bored me and i dreaded doing another question after finishing one. it was almost the same as bluffing myself to get myself to do more. same as me running on the treadmill, whether in the club or at home. except that home's worse. too much distractions to keep me running for a long time. at least in the club, i would be restricted to the pool or gym if i was alone. i'd probably be at Harry's Pub playing pool or lan with josh if he was there too. oh well. and maybe with some of josh's friends too. if i got bored with everything, i could occupy my time by walking to grandma's house which would take some time and then start bugging my ever-patient-grandparents with my whims there and then. lol. i wonder how they could ever stand me. seriously. i also realized that i can't stand myself either.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:11 pm.
Prelude
Annsley's words.
She tried to fall in love but failed.
She learned everything the hard way.
To be on top, you must sacrifice.
She's alone.
Putting distance between people and herself.
She's losing everyone.
Hell of a complicated girl.
Profile
A N N S L E Y there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I can't help it..
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so I call the shots. Leave if you hate it.
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