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dual characteristics
Friday, November 04, 2005
glistening sweat, beading forehead, i'm typing this entry in between clocking time on the treadmill outside the study. funny how i hate running, but i like the feeling of doing so. i like the warmth that exudes from within me. i enjoy the feeling of sweat running down the cleft of the chest and my back. i feel as though i have released thousands of horses, coming from within me, running freely into the wild.
how i would like to do that one day. hmm. back again. anyway, people release their pent up emotions through different ways. i used to have the habit to binge until i can take it no more, then i'd start to puke. eat till u puke, sounds gross right? yea. but i could not find any alternative then. i daren't slash my wrists or carve words/symbols upon my skin and flesh like what many of my friends did before, then and even now. i'm not a good tolerant of pain, but i'm a good tolerant of many emotions, whether i like it or not. pain has found its mark on me too many a times that i'm anxious to avoid it if i can. maybe that explains for my lack of boldness in skateboarding that i always tried my hardest not to falleverytime i stepped on my zero deck. but as they say; no pain no gain. it speaks for my lack of success in skateboarding that all i managed so far are travelling down the slopes at skatepark and a few pathetic attempts at what seemed to be an ollie to my friends and i.
can't help it if i'm anxious to avoid pain. ain't it human nature? still, i have found my other alternatives now. blogging and running on the treadmill. i can't stand jogging around the neighbourhood. i hate it for people to see how uncomfortable i am; sweating and all that. the comfort of home whilst running in the sports bra is more suited to my seclusive nature.
it explains my fascination with emily bronte. y'see, she's more seclusive and reserved in nature than i am. however, i find myself to be a very extreme person. i can be very out-going and sociable at a moment and very reserved the very next time. no in betweens. similar to my lazy nature at one moment, and the "more" hard-working nature at the next time. i have what people call the opposing sides of human's nature in me. two personalities found in one person; a dual personality character. dr jekyll and mr hyde.
human nature never fails to surprise me. there are just so many combinations of humanly characteristics in the world. i wonder how God can come up with so many different combinations of characteristics to give every single life he creates. does he do the same as Mr Chan, getting the computer to dish out the many different combinations through the Permutation & Combination program? or does he do it all by himself? i wonder but i have my faith in him to do so. he's the super power. the almighty God. he does things that no one can imitate. i really admire him. so many resposibilities, so many problems. being in charge of the world, it means that he never gets any breaks. does he ever get tired? does he ever take any breaks? or does he wipe out the world when he gets frustrated with running the world, manning every problem that we humans create? i wonder.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 7:26 pm.
Prelude
Annsley's words.
She tried to fall in love but failed.
She learned everything the hard way.
To be on top, you must sacrifice.
She's alone.
Putting distance between people and herself.
She's losing everyone.
Hell of a complicated girl.
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A N N S L E Y there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I can't help it..
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