Works are by yours truly; Annsley.
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Thursday, November 03, 2005
everybody keep saying how happy, how excited they are for me, knowing that i have the opportunity to study overseas. all i can manage is to give a half-efforted acknowledgement of their felicitations. they were all so happy, so genuine in their well-wishes that i wished, for that sadistic moment, if they could see how it is all killing me inside that they would withdraw all their felicitations to see how painful it is even just to hear about it?
i never felt like an object more than ever. an object who has been given a life. a life of slavery liberally speaking. a slave to parents' commands and instructions. when do i get to live a life of my own? this is not my life anymore. it's theirs. my life seems like it has been slowly zapped away from this shell i call my body. energy is leaving my soul. i no longer have the strength to fight. gone is the gregarious, free-spirited soul. this is the soul-less person now. i can't draw strength from anywhere or anyone. i have no pillars of support. the pillar of support in me, is corroding, down to the very last grinded sand. years of living like this has worn me down. it has corroded my life, my energy, my ideas, just basically me in whole.
i can't tell anyone. i can't explain to anyone. they wouldn't understand or would they? i don't know. i don't have the strength to know more. all these; it delves straight into the inner core of my soul, like the drill drilling right down to the core layer of me. i'm pouring the last of my soul into my blog, the only place i can seek solace in now. perhaps it's because this is the only place where explanations, expectations, reasons and excuses aren't needed. you could do as you wished. there's no need to account for anything. perhaps, perhaps. i feel so bleak. cold. and tired.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:21 pm.
Prelude
Annsley's words.
She tried to fall in love but failed.
She learned everything the hard way.
To be on top, you must sacrifice.
She's alone.
Putting distance between people and herself.
She's losing everyone.
Hell of a complicated girl.
Profile
A N N S L E Y there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I can't help it..
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so I call the shots. Leave if you hate it.
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